Surviving Loss During The Festive Season

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mother-son-christmasBy: Family Service PEI

Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life.  There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. Social expectations  on  festive occasions   are that everyone  feel joy and delight. This can increase stress and pressure to conform and live up to these expectations.

Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).

Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many. When family and friends get together, consider  taking the time to  celebrate the life of  a  person who has died.  Tell stories, share pictures and videos, laugh together.

Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.

In research on the topic of loss (and traumatic loss)  Dr. John R. Jordon  has found that formal and informal supports are most important for those grieving a loss.  He further suggest that our relationship to our lost loved ones does not end with death, rather, it transforms itself into a different type of relationship over time. This echoes the notion that our loved ones are always with us and go on through us.

The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.

Asking For Help, And Why It Can Be Hard

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How-to-be-a-More-Assertive-Parent_ArticleBy: Suzanne St. Amour, Family Service PEI

At one time or another most people need help. That is a pretty straightforward statement.  It’s what happens after, that gets complicated. It turns out most people don’t like to ask for help. That may not come as a surprise. There’s even a gender difference. Women find it more difficult to ask for help than men.

So what’s up with that? One article I looked at said that HELP is a four-letter word (what does that tell you?). In North America, part of our culture is to be self-reliant. It is such an ingrained idea that most of us probably never give it a second thought; it just is, like the sky is blue and the grass is green. Hey wait! What if that is not the case? What if it’s all in our heads? We’ll get back to that later.

As I said earlier, women find it more difficult to ask for help that men. That does not mean that there is necessarily a huge gap between the genders, so men, keep reading. The main reasons that people give for not asking for help have to do with us wanting to protect our self-concept, or how we see ourselves. We avoid asking because 1) we don’t want to look weak; 2) we don’t want to look incompetent by imposing on friends of family; 3) it won’t be done right away if we don’t take care of it ourselves; 4) we were raised to be self-sufficient; 5) it won’t be done right if we do not do it ourselves.  Females (including myself) are particularly prone to # 3 and 5. We must have a high opinion of ourselves.

All kidding aside, the result of these beliefs cause us to work harder than we need to, feel like we’re doing it on our own, and no one understands how difficult our lives are. What’s the answer? There’s more than one way of dealing with it. The ways are not all equal. We can just suck it up and keep doing what we are doing (till or mind or body starts to break down).  Or we could consider changing how we think and feel about asking for help. It turns out that for some individuals there’s a crisis that forced them to ask for help. Often the reason is physical. For example, a person may get in an accident and may no longer be able to do the things they use to. Someone else may be pregnant with complications. Suddenly they find themselves having to face their limitations. Being forced to do something is not fun. No one wants to be forced. One alternative is to choose to chance not only how you do things but the beliefs that enslave you to doing more than is humanly possible.

Change how I think? Now there’s a new concept. How does one do that, you ask? Here’s the abridged version.  Keep in mind that this is not an easy process. Ideas and beliefs are like old friends that we do not want to give up because they are familiar. These ideas are also like stubborn stains or computer glitches that just won’t seem to go away. Here are some steps you can try.

1) Consider exactly why you think that asking for help is a sign of weakness.

2) Work through how not wanting to ever seek help is reinforced by unrealistic ideas and wishful thinking.

3) Think about whether your bias to not ask or seek help has any (actual) benefits to yourself or others.

4) Look to reality instead of relying on wishful thinking.

5) Expect some paradoxes (a paradox is something that seems self-contradictory or inconsistent, so they may make you wonder why you are trying to change).

6) Beware the illusion that all problems are easy or that problems needing solving only apply to some people (not you of course).

7) Prioritise your problems.

Sound complicated?

Perhaps you should ask for help.

Preparing For Emergencies

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By: Denise Lockhart, Family Service PEI

Even though winter is fast approaching (yikes!!), we are not talking about the 72 hour emergency preparedness that will likely hit your radar at around December. Instead this month we will be talking about different types of emergencies that might happen in your life. But first, let’s set the stage a little.

What is an emergency? Well, an emergency can be anything. It could be a flat tire. A fender-bender. Losing your wallet. A death in the family. Becoming ill. Losing a favorite blanket or teddy. And the list can go on and on. Some people may also refer to an emergency as a crisis. The key defining points of an emergency situation are:

  1. The event is unexpected.
  2. The event causes some sort of harm or stress (an emotional or physical impact).
  3. Something needs to change or be rectified before you can move on.

So, if you look at key point number 1, you may at this point be asking yourself, “how can I possibly prepare for the unexpected????”

And the honest truth is – you can’t. To a certain extent, life is simply a ride that we cannot predict. Sometimes things will happen that are tough, and unexpected. BUT – there are things we can do to position ourselves to be able to cope more effectively with tough situations. And, hopefully, some of these preparations will also help us move past the emergency (or crisis, tough time, however you wish to refer to it) much more quickly.

Here are some tips that can help:

1) Take care of yourself – physically, emotionally, spiritually. Unexpected life events can really have an impact on our overall health. But, if you already are well rested, nourished, and overall happy and settled in life it will be easier to cope with the stress of an emergency. You will also be able to more quickly settle back into healthy habits that are familiar to you once the event has passed. This will help you move on more quickly and reestablish a level of ‘normal’ to your life.

2) Have a savings account — that actually has money in it! Some people consider this a rainy day fund. Sometimes, emergencies require a little extra cash. Especially if something needs to be fixed or you need to take some unpaid leave from the workforce.

3) Surround yourself with a support network. This might be friends, family, peers. It doesn’t matter who is in your network, just make sure you have one. And that it is supportive. Having toxic people in your life, as a general rule, can be unhelpful and stressful. But having toxic people in your life when you are struggling to deal with an emergency can really make things more difficult. And being alone is not helpful either. Social relationships take time and effort. Yet, at the core we need those relationships so that we can pull strength from them at difficult times in our lives.

4) Ask for help. The amount of information available to us in 2014 is unprecedented. Take advantage of this. If you have encountered an issue and you can’t seem to solve or move past it – reach out. Do an internet search to find out what sorts of services are out there. It’s highly likely that someone else, somewhere else in the world (or even in your neighborhood) has encountered this same situation and has overcome it. You can too. It just might take some time. And you might need some help.

 

Should You Go Back To School?

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234How to juggle the demands of home and parenting when you go back to school.

By Deena Waisberg from Canadian Living

Forty students sit at long tables in an auditorium, listening to their professor deliver a lesson. Amid the 20-somethings who are simultaneously typing away on their laptops and checking their e-mail, sit two older students in their 40s, conspicuously taking notes in the old-school style, using pen and paper. They may be in the minority – and a bit less comfortable with technology in this setting – but more and more mature students are returning to the classroom. A 2006 study found that 15 per cent of mature women were taking post-secondary courses, and experts say the numbers will continue to rise.

Adults who have already followed one work path study part time for a second career because people are working longer these days due to most provinces not having mandatory retirement at age 65, says Marlene Haley, a career counsellor and president of Find Work You Love Inc. in Vancouver.

For moms, the return to school and the desire to start a new career is often prompted by a divorce or grown (or older) children. With divorce, the thinking is, Now that I’m a single parent, I want to return to school so that I can earn more money, explains Haley. In the case of grown children, moms have an opportunity to reconnect with a passion that may have lain dormant while they were busy raising a family.

Here, we share the stories of three moms who were brave enough to go back to school.

Paulette Dunn, 40 

In 1990, this Dartmouth, N.S., resident took a position as a secretary at Dalhousie University in Halifax because she wanted to return to school to learn about business and take advantage of a job perk that covers tuition costs for staff. With two young kids at home, Paulette waited until 1999 before embarking on a bachelor of management degree part time. She was nervous to start but dove in and plugged away. In 2006, a year before completing her undergraduate degree, Paulette and her husband launched Creating Dinners, a meal assembly business.

After graduating with her bachelor of management last year, Paulette soon began a master of business administration part time to hone the skills she needs to grow the company. After graduating in 2010, Paulette plans to devote herself to the business full time and open up franchises.

How she made it happen 
With a full-time job and the university picking up the tab for courses, Paulette has been able to manage her education costs. A greater challenge is juggling home life, work and school. Being organized is essential. “I know how much time it’s going to take to get an assignment done, so I make sure I have time for that and my kids have time with me, too,” says Paulette. Her husband, Greg, also helps by taking on the lion’s share of the household duties. Paulette’s son and daughter, now 9 and 12, are also considerate of their mother’s busy schedule. If they see that mom has her books out, they give her space to study.

Biggest challenge
Paulette loves learning, she but admits her memory isn’t as sharp as it used to be. As a result, she needs to spend a lot of time reviewing her notes and textbooks.

A+ moment 
Because she’s a mature student, Paulette enjoys a different relationship with course instructors, closer to that of a peer. And her instructors have generously critiqued her business plan and introduced her to business contacts.

Lesson learned 
“Protect your time because school is a lot of work; you are doing homework every night.”

Paula Sinnott, 51 
Paula (pictured right) had worked in the medical records field for 10 years in her native North Dakota. But when she married and moved to Canada, the stay-at-home mother of three worked sporadically. So, in 2001, when Paula and her husband divorced, she needed to find a new career to support herself and her youngest son and daughter, who were 14 and 12 at the time. “It was an ugly divorce. I had no money for a year-and-a-half. I needed to do something smart,” recalls Paula.

Inspired by the idea of returning to school, Paula got course catalogues from a few local colleges and came across an interior design program at Lethbridge College in Alberta. The profession appealed to her, and she could drive to school from her home in Pincher Creek, Alta. “I didn’t want to uproot my children,” she adds.

The two-year program wasn’t an easy ride, though. Paula had to take a math class to upgrade her skills, sometimes pulled all-nighters to meet assignment deadlines, and appealed a failing grade she was going to receive in a drafting class – and won. Today, with her diploma under her belt, Paula is employed as an interior designer, designing kitchens and bathrooms for homeowners and builders. Though the job provides a modest income, she loves the people she works with and has passion for her career.

How she made it happen 

“Whatever it takes” became Paula’s motto. She didn’t have any income so she paid for school and living expenses with RRSP savings and credit cards. (She tried unsuccessfully to get a loan from the bank and college.) Her kids also had to take on more responsibility, such as making some of their own meals and cleaning the house.

Biggest challenge 
Not being able to do as much for her kids as she wanted. “I remember sitting at my drafting table and my daughter was sitting at our kitchen island and we had our backs to each other, both doing homework. She said to me, ‘Could you be a mom for a minute and make me some supper?’ That was hard,” recalls Paula, who just kept reminding herself that school wasn’t going to last forever, and then she would be more available for her family again.

A+ moment 
Paula developed friendships with several of her classmates and enjoyed working with them on projects. “It was a very intense program for all of us, and you give and receive support from one another, which brings you closer,” she says.

Lesson learned
If you don’t have the funds to make your dream a reality, then try to get a loan from the bank. The investment will be well worth it, according to Paula. “A loan is nothing; this is your life.”

Carolyn Meredith, 39 
When Carolyn and her husband separated in 2002, she needed an income and wanted a job that would allow her to be on the same schedule as her kids. “I used to teach swimming lessons, and I loved going to all the mom-and-tot activities and volunteering at my kids’ nursery and elementary schools, so I knew teaching would be a good choice,” says Carolyn. So at age 34, she was accepted into the year-and-a-half master of elementary education program at Niagara University in New York. (Carolyn applied stateside because she was missing a math credit needed for teacher’s college in Ontario.) Her kids were two, four and seven when she headed back to the classroom.

After graduating, Carolyn landed a position at Holy Cross Catholic Elementary School in Georgetown, Ont., where she has been for the past three years. While there’s always “a ton of work to bring home,” Carolyn is quick to add that she “loves the job.”

How she made it happen 
Tuition costs, alone, were $28,000 Cdn, and the Ontario student loan program covered only $9,000. Fortunately, Carolyn’s father cosigned for a line of credit, and he also helped pay for her living expenses while she was in school. Carolyn’s retired mother pitched in, too, looking after her kids.

Biggest challenge  
Carolyn had a household to run and three young kids to look after. “It took the first two to three months to learn to balance being with my kids and absorbing all of this new learning,” she says. Her own studying commenced only after the kids went to bed at 8 or 9 p.m. Carolyn often ended up crashing on the couch at 3 or 4 a.m. for a few precious hours of sleep.

A+ moment

School was exciting because it was truly the start of a new life for Carolyn. For the first time since having her children, she had the opportunity to remember who she was as an individual. “I was in a class of about 36 people and we all took the same courses. The whole group of us would go for lunch, and it took months to get used to the fact I could just sit there and be with adults.”

Lesson learned 
Carolyn notes that for several years there was a teacher shortage in Ontario, but by the time she graduated, far fewer jobs were available and some graduates didn’t land positions. “If you’re deciding to go back to school, really research what the job market is like in your chosen field,” advises Carolyn. “Make sure you don’t invest all that time and money and then end up not being able to work in the field you chose.”

Virtual school
Can’t find the time to get to a campus? Study for a degree, diploma or certificate with distance learning. Here are a few options to look into.

• Athabasca University, which is funded by the province of Alberta, offers more than 700 individual courses.

• Canadian Virtual University, a partnership of universities, offers 2,500 courses, covering a variety of fields, including arts, science, business and administrative studies, commerce and more. You can take a bachelor of arts in women’s studies through Laurentian University in Sudbury, Ont., a master of counselling through Athabasca University, or a human resource management certificate through the University of Manitoba. Some courses are entirely web-based, while others may mail study packages or feature teleconferencing, computer conferencing, audiotapes and other technologies.

Sourced From: http://www.canadianliving.com/life/work/should_you_go_back_to_school.php

 

The Impact of Back to School

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233By: Family Service PEI

It’s been a while since you’ve heard from her, but this article is written by our Executive Director, Denise Lockhart. Please feel free to send your criticisms her way … especially given the topic she’s selected to write about:
I know, I know, nobody wants to hear that it’s already time for back to school planning. The bad news is that some experts would argue that we should be planning for back to school even before it ends. The good news is that around here at Family Service PEI, we are a little more realistic about how we like to fly by the seat of our pants a little more that might be recommended by ‘experts’.

In all seriousness, though, the events surrounding going back to school (or starting in a new school for those in transition years or those attending post secondary institutions), can have a huge impact – emotionally, mentally, and financially. We hope that our newsletter this month will help provide you with some tips to prepare.

The impact of back to school for students:

Going back to school for children can be something they look forward to, or something they dread. Regardless of the thoughts they have, positive or negative, any sort of change in routine is stressful. Even if they love school and are happy to be reunited with their friends – they are likely dealing with a new teacher, possibly a new school, and a change from the relatively unstructured days of summer. If they are not big fan of school, the stresses can be more dramatic. They may dread the structure, having to deal with certain peers or teachers, or even struggle with separation anxiety from their parents and/or siblings.

I uncovered a lot of resources with tips and tools meant to help parents make the transition of back to school easier for their children and families. I think the best overall tool that I found is actually an American website that you can find by clicking here: www.schoolfamily.com/school-family-articles/article/10654-back-to-school-planning-guide If you’re the type to worry and stress about all the things in life that you just never seem to get around to doing, I would recommend skipping the first section of this article (things to do 3 months before school starts). I know I looked at it briefly and then just kept going. The only thing I was thinking of back then was getting through the final weeks before summer could officially start!! And I refuse to feel badly about it.
If you do encounter any issues with school and your school age child, there is also a local link that you should be aware of: www.Helpmychild.ca Check it out to find details on various local services that may be needed throughout the year. It’s always better to address problems earlier rather than later… even if you do sometimes want to bury your head in our lovely PEI sand.

For those who are entering post-secondary education (some of you who are parents may also be in this category) – the transition in September is huge!! Even though it can be exciting, there are also likely moments of terror. The stress load is huge as students come face to face with new professors, the details of the expectations of their courses, new living arrangements, and the list can go on. Regardless of the number of ‘things to do’ and ‘issues to deal with’, there is one golden rule that will likely get you through – BREATH DEEP and SCHEDULE EVERYTHING. There are tons of resources at your disposal to help you adjust. Some of these may be self service technological tools (such as Google calendar that will allow you to track your classes time table, and your to-do’s such as working on assignments, studying, etc), and some may be student supports offered by your educational institution (such as how to study tutorials, student support groups, library lessons, etc.). If you need help with something – ask. And if nobody seems to have the answer, do your own internet search to see what you can come up with.

The impact of back to school on parents:
Students are not the only beings who have to adjust during this time of year. Parents also struggle with the change in routine, and ensuring everyone’s needs are met. Parents who have children who are going to school for the first time, are changing schools, or are going away to a post secondary institution have even higher stress loads than others. So don’t forget to take the time you need to take care of your own emotional and psychological needs. Ensure you are getting enough sleep, food, and exercise. And that you are using your own strategies to schedule the mountain of things that need to be done. Personally, I use a large calendar that communicates to everyone what the daily/weekly/monthly commitments are … and I mean I use that for everything. Garbage pick up, birthday parties, extra-curricular activities, meal plans. I confess that when I set this up in the summer, each member of the family is assigned a colored pen so that it is a visual cue as to who is doing what …. This level of detail is somehow lost by the time October is here. But I assure you, the overall usefulness of the calendar itself is worth it’s weight in gold. I also happen to have a fairly demanding career with a number of obligations that would not be appropriate to put on our family calendar (mostly because there would not be enough space for anything else). In addition to the family scheduling, I use my electronic calendar and to-do lists on my phone to ensure I am always (almost) in the right place and none of my commitments to home and work are lost (rarely).

Admittedly, one of the most stressful elements of back to school planning for parents is financial strain. It can cost a lot of money to ensure your children are properly dressed, have the right materials, and look the way they want to look so that they are social accepted by their peers. There are things you can do to reduce the strain … even if it is unlikely to be fully eliminated.

1) Set a budget. Stick to it. Track all your purchases, to ensure you stay within the budget
2) Watch for sales – this applies to school supplies and clothing. Only purchase at full price if it is an item that you absolutely need, right at this moment.
3) Keep your receipts. Don’t be afraid to return unused merchandise if you discover that you don’t NEED the item; or if you find it cheaper elsewhere.
4) Make sure your older children understand your budget. While social acceptance is important, that doesn’t mean you should feel a need to buy all name brand clothing and accessories at ridiculously high prices. Teens who are self conscious about what they wear can be given the freedom to choose their clothing – but within a very strict budget.
5) Look around the house to see what supplies you already have on hand. Maybe new shoes are not really needed until Christmas, or whenever the next growth spurt hits.
6) Do some research. While I don’t recommend spending a lot of money on things with a limited life span, quality is something to take into consideration when buying items like kitbags, lunch kits, footwear, etc. Purchasing a cheap product that only lasts a fraction of the time you’ll need it for might result in the spending of more money in the long run. You can find an online review for almost anything.

And finally – if you are having trouble sticking to a budget or are finding yourself spending outside your means, take a moment to ponder about your thought process. For instance, when I was little, my mother would always buy me a new outfit for special occasions or when I was feeling a little blue. You know – an outfit for my booster shot, a birthday party, because my crush broke my heart, a Wednesday. You get the picture. Not only do I have to fight my urges to buy my own children clothing for these same reasons … I also have spent many a moment fighting my own thoughts about when I ‘deserve’ something new.
Now, I could be a complete anomaly. Or maybe you might struggle with your own thoughts when it comes to making purchasing decisions too. Awareness is the key to change!!! New clothes help too … oops. I shouldn’t have said that.

3 Valuable Ways to Invest in Yourself

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By: Royale Scuderi- Lifehack

5266388a869a9c6eb1328498337e0e88Investing in yourself may be the most profitable investment you ever make. It yields not only future returns, but often a current pay-off as well. The surest way to achieve a better quality life, to be successful, productive, and satisfied is to place a priority on investing in both personal and professional growth. The effort you put into consistently investing in yourself plays a large role in determining the quality of your life now and in the future.

Investment options

1. Develop your skills

Improving your skills doesn’t always mean investing in higher education, though that’s surely an option, and perhaps a necessary one depending upon your career field. Investing in your knowledge and skills can take many forms. In addition, expanding your level of knowledge and skill isn’t limited to the business arena and doesn’t necessarily need to be formal. There are many “skill investment” avenues.

  • Advance your education –  extra classes, advanced degrees, relevant certifications, are all valuable investments. Take classes, either in person or online.
  • Utilize available training – enroll in workshops, attend conferences or participate in webinars.
  • Expand your knowledge – there’s lots of information available on nearly any subject imaginable. Read books, articles, white papers, anything related to the talent or skill you want to work on. Keep current – stay abreast of the latest trends or advancements. Subscribe to publications, read blogs of experts, and follow the latest news.

2. Explore your creative side

There is a fountain of creativity within most of us that has never been tapped or certainly hasn’t been used to its highest potential. We may need to unearth, and hone our individual creativity. Creativity, in any form, helps us to grow personally and professionally, to view problems and solutions in different ways and to utilize other parts of our mind that may have been previously untapped. It’s important to keep in mind that creativity has many faces. It’s far broader than being a painter or sculptor; it’s also about trying new things.

  • Learn a new language –  take a class or use language training software
  • Try gourmet cooking – enroll in a formal class, by a new cookbook, or ask someone you know who enjoys cooking in a different way.
  • write something – a book, short stories, poetry, anything
  • Explore the outside world – try gardening, bird watching, or landscape photography
  • Enjoy music – play an instrument, learn a new one or join a music group of some kind.
  • Create something tangible – paint, sculpt, make pottery, make jewelry or design your own clothes.

Choose some form of activity that you have never tried, haven’t practiced in years, or have never explored fully.

3. Nurture your mind and body

Nurturing both your mind and body allows you to have more to give now and  in the future, more energy, more knowledge, more compassion, more ideas, greater strength, physical and mental endurance.

Expand your mind. Learning new things and keeping your mind active even in simple ways helps to grow and maintain your mental ability.

  • Read – anything and everything
  • Explore culture – attend performances, listen to different style of music, travel, or join an organization or group comprised of people from different backgrounds.
  • Open your mind – engage in conversations with those who disagree with you. Look at an argument and try to make a case for the opposing point of view.
  • Keep your mind active – play word games, (yes, even Words with Friends counts,) board games that include strategy, or try using your brain to perform simple calculations rather than relying on a calculator.

Care for your body. Your body is like a well-oiled machine. If you care for it in the way that you might maintain an expensive car, it will perform marvelously and last for a very long time. Remember the basics:

  • Give it high quality fuel –translation: make healthy food choices as often as possible. What you eat does play a large role in your energy and ability to perform. You truly are what you eat.
  • Don’t push it too hard – translation: rest and relax often, slow down and don’t overload your system. Also, don’t shift gears too quickly; it causes stress and damage to “your machine,” A.K.A. your body.
  • Get regular and necessary maintenance – translation: go to the doctor when your sick – don’t put it off until you totally break down. Better yet, use preventative maintenance; get check-ups, take appropriate vitamins and pay attention to irregular or erratic behavior.
  • Polish the exterior – translation: take care of the outside too. Many people dismiss this as frivolous and self-indulgent, but it’s not, as long as you don’t go overboard. We’re not talking about facelifts and Botox, we’re talking about getting a fabulous haircut, and wearing clothes that make you feel confident and attractive.

Investing in yourself truly makes a difference in your life, your well-being, and your ability to thrive and perform to the best of your ability. The extent to which you invest in yourself, mind and body, not only shapes the way you interact with the outside world, it often reflects the opinion you have of yourself. Your future is in large part determined by your willingness and ability to invest in yourself now.

Sourced from: http://www.lifehack.org/articles/lifestyle/3-valuable-ways-to-invest-in-yourself.html

Tips For Investing In A Healthy Relationship

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By: Christina Campbell, Family Service PEI

99Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make our relationship flourish.

There are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

  • Staying involved with each other. Some couples are not truly related or emotionally connected, but manage to work together. Therefore, while it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
  • Getting through conflict. The key in a strong relationship is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, or insisting on being right.
  • Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship.
  • Communicating. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Non verbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—are critical to communication.
  • Mutual respect. Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person’s boundaries.
  • Keep physical intimacy alive. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want
  • Spend quality time together. It’s critical for your relationship to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and helps you work through issues more easily.
  • Healthy relationships are built on give and take. It takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange and compromise.
  • Respectfully resolve conflict. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the matter with respect and love.
  • Expect ups and downs. It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

A healthy relationship requires more than some give and take, and it is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. If you and your partner have decided that you want to live together and that you are right for each other, all the work will definitely be worth it in the long run.

Family Fun at Avonlea Village

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By: Fighting To Be Frugal

Everyone who seems to come to PEI, comes to see Anne. I have lived here for 15 years and have never gone to anything Anne. It’s so experience. It’s around $65 for a family pass for the day to Avonlea Village. With a CAA card you save an extra 10%. That gave me a little hope to try to rationalize going for a day with our family. After searching around their site that  I found out that your day pass counts for a second day admission so that you are able to enjoy all of the events! 2 days for 1 price. That sounds a little more worth while to me.

However, it’s still a little expensive for us. Well, from September 1-19, the rate gets substantially cheaper! It’s $6 per adult and children under 12 are free. That means instead of $65 for my family it would be $10.80 for my family (remember, the CAA discount, even without it, it’s still only $12 for a family).

Totally worth it to wait until September to be able to enjoy the wonderful village of Avonlea and live life with Anne and Diana for a day.September is the most frugal time to visit PEI if you’re looking to save money on your vacation.What are your favourite attractions on PEI?

Sourced from: http://fightingtobefrugal.blogspot.ca/2011/08/avonlea-village-pei.htmlEnjoy your day!

Have a Kid- Free Vacation (And Leave the Guilt at Home)

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The case for why every couple should take a trip or vacation without their kids.

By: Vivian Vassos

99We love being with our kids. We really do. So much so that every vacation over the past seven years has been with them. We’ve ridden elephants in Thailand, snorkelled in the Cayman Islands and snacked on souvlaki in Greece with our kids, plus yearly jaunts to Florida — and not just to see Mickey Mouse.

Of course, we also take “date nights,” facilitated by my parents, whom I call the Blessed Support Unit (or BSU); grandparents who are eager and able to help out.

It’s usually a once-a-month Saturday night sleepover at the BSU’s for the kids, and dinner and a movie and some take-the-phone-off-the-hook intimacy for us. But a real change of scenery for more than one night, just the two of us? We hadn’t done that since our 10th, yes, 10th wedding anniversary, and now our 17th was looming. Something was definitely missing.

“On a scale of one to 10, getting away for couple time is a 15-plus in importance,” says Marion Goertz, a registered marriage and family therapist in Toronto. “We all have so many roles to play, professionally and personally, that the spontaneous, playful parts of us can get lost and tired.”

“A regular date night is critical for any marriage, but getting away for longer periods is a unique and individual issue without an exact answer,” adds Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and the author of eight books, including the award-winning The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill).

When I caught up with the mother of four, she was fresh off a cruise with her hubby of 25 years, while their kids were safe and sound under grandma’s care. “Couples who find time to connect every day and with a regular date night may get on perfectly fine without a longer trip away. Others find themselves so surrounded by work, children and household tasks that they never seem to feel like a couple any more. Those people would definitely benefit from a short trip alone once or twice a year.” In her book, Kid Cooperation (New Harbinger), Pantley reinforces this. “It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being “Mommy’ and “Daddy.’ You need to spend regular time as “Husband’ and “Wife.”

Okay, so it’s either another date night or try to get away for a longer time. What about the caregiver logistics? Even our BSU has its limitations, and I have quite a few friends who don’t even have that. “Even an overnight away can refresh and rejuvenate your relationship,” says Pantley. “This is often do-able if you are close with another couple who have children. Trading off and tending to each other’s children can be fun for the kids and good for the adults.”

Goertz takes it a step further. “Getting away is like getting a lungful of oxygen at the surface of a teeming river that is our life as parents — sucking up some life-giving respite before we resume the everyday busy-ness of our lives,” she says. “A self-imposed “time out’ can ensure good behaviour in adults. It can keep us going with more energy and creativity and keep us connected with the bigger world in order to refresh our perspectives.” Wow, perhaps that’s what was missing.

We knew that a week during the school year was out of the question, so we needed somewhere we could recharge and feel like we’d been away long enough, but not so long as to completely abuse the BSU? Hubby loves his monthly Texas Hold’em boys’ night out, while I’m a shopaholic, and we both appreciate fine cuisine. Put it together, and we came up with Las Vegas. Four days over a weekend, so the BSU didn’t have to worry too much about school and homework. Perfect.

The next step was telling the kids. “We’re going to Las Vegas,” I announced over dinner one night. My 10-year-old immediately went to pack her bag. “But only Mom and Dad are going,” I explained, feeling guilty already, and trying to figure out what to say next. “Parents can often overcompensate for what they feel guilty about,” says Pantley. “Know in your heart that taking care of your marriage is the most important thing you can do for your children and yourselves. A very simple answer is all that’s needed: “We love you very much and we have fun with you, but sometimes moms and dads like to have a little time alone together.”

When I retold the scenario for Goertz, she laughed. “Do your kids a favour. Love your spouse and let them see it! Talk about mom and dad having special time together and make it happen regularly. This can, in fact, help kids feel safe and warm, even if they giggle or roll their eyes.” Even teenagers, despite their reactions, she adds, take delight in their parents’ overt shows of affection and will more likely choose a relationship like it for themselves when it’s their turn.

New parents, this one’s for you: Goertz recommends beginning at an early age to establish increasing periods of time of separation with qualified caregivers. “Teach them, by your own attitudes and from an early age, to be open to adventure and new experiences,” she says.

“If you find a familiar, loving caregiver to tend your children, they should be fine,” says Pantley. “If you want to add more fun to their “vacation,’ allow them to order pizza, rent a movie or have a candy or treat that is reserved for special times.” For longer trips, she suggests leaving a small gift (such as stickers or plastic toy animals) for each night that you will be away. “This can make bedtime fun instead of the most difficult hour for the child and caregiver.”

Spend some time with the child in the caregiver’s presence, prior to your time away, suggests Goertz, to assess their suitability and to allow you and your child to be soothed by your trust in this person. “And relax and don’t unduly disrupt routines to soothe your own separation anxiety.” Then just go. “There’s a delightful, refreshing silliness that can set in when two responsible adults can eat, sleep, drink and frolic as the spirit moves them,” she notes.

Well, Goertz was right. We were free to do our favourite things and spend some wonderful private moments together, without the day-to-day stress of being parents, and the kids were spoiled rotten by the BSU. Heck, we even considered renewing our vows in the land of cheesy wedding chapels, never mind booking another trip for next year. Viva Las Vegas.

Toronto-based writer/editor Vivian Vassos is planning her next getaway to Vegas—this time with kids. She has already booked a date night with hubby at the MGM Grand, as her brother (BSU#2) now conveniently lives in Sin City.

Long weekend getaways

  • For high rollers: Las Vegas is a quick flight from Vancouver or Calgary, and everything’s within walking distance on the strip, so no worries about indulging in that extra glass of champagne. visitlasvegas.com
  • For cosmopolitan types: Quebec City, Canada’s most romantic spot, is celebrating its 400th anniversary. quebecregion.com. Book into Auberge Saint-Antoine, Travel + Leisure’s pick of one of 2007′s Top 100 Hotels Worldwide. saint-antoine.com
  • For oenophiles: Niagara-on-the-Lake is within driving distance of Toronto, full of historical charm and hotels at all price ranges, and near many of Canada’s top wineries. niagaraonthelake.com
  • For the fly-and-fry types: The Bahamas are easy to get to from central and eastern Canada, and are the Caribbean’s answer for some fun in the sun.bahamas.com
  • For big-city types: New York, is a good place to see and do a lot in a short amount of time, and you can walk, in good weather, just about anywhere. nycvisit.com

Can’t get away?

Here are Marion Goertz’s tips for making the most of a moment

  • It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality Parents with minimal childcare support can perhaps swap babysitting with trusted friends or neighbours to free them up for dinner and a movie.
  • No babysitter? Be creative and find a pocket of peace to meet for breakfast or lunch when the kids are at school, or a few hours at home with a rental, a favourite snack and an adult-type beverage once the kids are in bed.
  • Get kids to bed at a realistic time 10 p.m. is too late for preschool kids and unfair to mom and dad. They are creatures of habit: a bath, a story and lights out! Only then can mom and dad suspend their parenting roles, at least temporarily, as they catch up with each other’s lives and talk about hopes and dreams for now and the future.
  • Enjoy each other Start to work on the life you want to have together after the kids leave home, time to have many more adventures. The chances of it being a good time, and the marriage even lasting that long, increases exponentially the more you stay connected and invested in each other’s lives through the parenting years.

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/parents/relationships/escape-artists/

Focus Group Sessions

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We need your input! What do older adults need to protect themselves financially as they age? Come join one of our focus group sessions and give your input. For more information, please click on the picture.