Author Archive: Natasha McKenna

Intimacy- Development and Overcoming Difficulties

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When we think about the word intimacy, often we have our own individual thoughts and feelings about what this word means. Intimacy can occur on many different levels within different types of relationships. As we grow and become older or more mature, our definition and experience of intimacy may alter and evolve.

What is Intimacy?

Intimacy has often been described as a feeling of closeness, a willingness to openly share personal thoughts with another person as well as spend time with that person.  Intimacy has been proposed as a fundamental human need (Birnie-Porter & Lydon, 2012).

Intimacy from an individual perspective was first explored by Erikson in 1963.  Erikson introduce intimacy not as a quality of a romantic couple but as a potential within the individual. His theory emphasized three elements of the capacity for intimacy: willingness to make a commitment to another person, ability to share at a deep personal level, and capacity to communicate inner thoughts and feelings.

Intimacy and Communication

According to Erikson, communicating inner thoughts and feelings is required in order to be intimate. Some individuals may disagree with Erikson and say that intimacy often doesn’t need words, however being able to vocalize one’s feelings and experiences makes intimacy more likely to occur.

We all have a comfort zone, for some of us sharing is easier for others. Think about your own comfort zone while you consider some of these questions:

  • Are you and your partner able to let each other know how you feel about each other?
  •  How do you communicate when you are sad, a little depressed, in need of some comforting and reassurance?
  • Are you able to let yourself be dependent and to receive some nurturing?
  • Do you really know what your partner thinks and feels, or do you have to guess and ‘mind-read’?
  • Are you able to be open with your partner, or do you feel that your partner would not be able to accept some of your feelings?
  • How do you feel about sex? Are you able to tell your partner what you like and don’t like in your love-making, and about how your sexual relationship could be made more enjoyable for you.

As you think about these questions, you must realize that being able to discuss these issues could help you understand each other better and become closer as a couple.

Sex and Intimacy

It has been said that romantic lovers clearly see sex as being an important part of intimacy. In a romantic relationship sexuality and intimacy are linked and may serve to strengthen or maintain the bond between the couple. The term “sexual intimacy” is frequently (and almost exclusively) used interchangeably with sexual activity by researchers in this field.

During a couple’s life together there will be times when sexual intimacy may alter and as a consequence affect their relationship. There are a wide variety of difficulties which may alter a couple’s sexual intimacy: A loss of desire, difficulty obtaining an erection, rapid ejaculation, retarded ejaculation, difficulty to obtain orgasm, pain during vaginal penetration, difficulty in getting aroused, fear of intimacy, poor self image, poor sexual self image, inhibitions, lack of knowledge about sexuality, among other issues.

These difficulties can arise as a result of physical conditions such as medical conditions, medical treatment and drugs, feeling tired, and exhausted or because of a partner’s relational difficulties such as, frustration, disappointment, lack of trust, betrayal, lack of respect, abuse, manipulation, boredom, etc.

Overcoming Difficulties

Often, when we are having these challenges it’s just a matter of patience and understanding, but sometimes people can get anxious, and this can challenge the relationship. Communication can begin to fail, and problems escalate.

Communication is the key in these situations. Start by expressing to your partner what is going well and reaffirm your positive feelings for him or her. Then you can say something like: “I’ve noticed that we’re struggling with … (mention the situation) … and I’m wondering, what’s your thought on it?” This makes it clear that you are willing to share the challenge, rather than to blame him/her.

If you are the one with the problem, state it clearly, and describe the feelings you have about the situation/issue (worried/embarrassed) and ask for help. When you need to make a request of your partner, you may try this: “I feel (frustrated/unhappy/uncomfortable) about (the way we …) and I would really appreciate if you would (state what you want)”.

Do not assume your partner knows what you are thinking; it is important to clarify any problems/situations so your partner will not feel blamed, ashamed or become defensive. By doing this, you will have helped your partner to understand exactly what the problem/situation is, and have given clear indications about what is needed in the future. Remember, when discussing sexually oriented issues, it is best to be clear, honest and tactful.

Sometimes talking can resolve issues, but for others it may take more effort resolve the situation. If sexual intimacy issues persist don’t wait passively for them to disappear take the steps necessary to get professional help. We are here to help you!

Important Dates and Information for Filing 2012 Tax Returns

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  • Personal tax returns (except you or your spouse or common-law partner is self-employed) are due April 30th 2013 and any balance due has to be paid that day and otherwise interest will be assessed. Tax returns for self–employed and their spouse or common-law partner is due June 15th 2013 but balance due must be paid April 30th 2013.
  • You can file hard copy return or NETFILE or EFILE (EFILE can be done by tax preparer).
  • TELEFILE option is not available.
  • If you need a tax package (hard copy) you can order one from CRA and it will be delivered after February 4th 2013. The packages will also available to postal outlets and Service Canada offices from February 4th 2013.
  • The NETFILE transmission service will be open from February 11, 2013, until November 30, 2013, for the electronic filing of your 2012 personal income tax and benefit return. Tax returns filed via NETFILE must first be prepared using one of the 2012 commercial tax preparation software packages or Web applications certified for NETFILE.
  • List of certified software for NETFILE can be found here.
  • You employer has to provide your T4 slips by Feb 28th 2013.
  • Your investment provider or banks have to mail your T5 slips by Feb 28th 2012 and T3 slips by March 31st 2012.
  • You can log in to My Account at CRA to find your RRSP contribution limit. RRSP contributions made in the first 60 days of 2013 (i.e. contributions made till March 1st 2013) can be used in 2012 tax returns)

Sourced from http://canadianaccountanttips.blogspot.ca/2013/01/important-dates-and-other-information.html

Setting Financial Goals- Where to Start

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Setting financial goals can be overwhelming and intimidating. However, by thinking about financial goals you are on the right track to being in control of your finances. Having control over your personal financial situation can be very rewarding and empowering. Setting goals is the beginning.

When brainstorming financial goals you want to ensure the goals are realistic and achievable. If you are in a relationship where you share finances, both parties should be active participants, and should both agree that the goal is attainable. This will involve doing some groundwork.

Begin by setting both a bigger goal and a smaller goal. These goals may also translate into short term and long term goals. A big or long term goal may be to buy a house in the next five year, while a short term goal may be to pay off your credit card in the next five months. It is important that you write down your goals and re-visit them periodically. This process will help increase your probability of achieving the goal.

SAVING

Paying off debts and saving money are often very common goals. When considering saving for a large purchase, you must be careful to include all expenses when calculating the amount of money required. By taking all costs into consideration you will be able to better determine whether or not the goal is realistic and feasible.

For example:

Estimated Cost Real Cost
  • My Goal: buy a car
  • Cost: $5000
  • Timeline: 1 year
  • Cost: $417 per month

 
  • Save up to buy a car = $5000/12 months = $417/month
  • Other costs:

–      Insurance: $700/year = $58/month

–      Gas: $120/month

–      Maintenance: $50/month

–      Cost: $228/month

  • Actual Cost = $645 per month

Saving even small amount of money is always a good start. One goal may be to put money aside for an emergency fund. An emergency fund will help you through difficult times, such as loss of employment, illness, or even unexpected car or house repairs. It will also provide you with some reassurance and lessen your stress knowing that you are prepared financially should a situation arise.

Another goal for saving money may include paying off your mortgage faster.  If you are in the situation where your income has increased, or you have excess money, you may want to consider increasing your monthly mortgage payments. By increasing your payments you will not only pay off your mortgage more rapidly, but also and save money on interest!

PAYING DOWN DEBT

If you are working hard to pay off debt, it is important that you are strategic with your approach. Be sure to take into consideration the interest rates on each separate debt. If you are interested in saving more money as you pay down your credit card debt, you can pay off the higher interest rate card first. This method is preferred by some because the longer you pay high interest — especially if your balance is higher — the more money goes straight into someone else’s pocket without benefiting you. By getting the higher interest rate out of the way first, you are eliminating the most expensive debt while interest accrues more slowly on your other credit cards. http://financialhighway.com

Should you have high interest rates, you may want to consider re-structuring your debt into lower interest loans. This may involve the following options:

1) Lower current interest rates. Speak to your financial lender to see if they are able to lower interest rates on your current           debts.

2) Debt consolidation.  This entails taking out one loan to pay off many others. This is often done to secure a lower interest rate, secure a fixed interest rate or for the convenience of servicing only one loan

3) Equity Loan. If you have assets with equity you may wish turn your equity into cash. For example, a Home Equity Loan generally lets you use your home as collateral to borrow up to 80% of its current value minus what you owe.

TAKING ACTION

Once you have decided on your goals, you need to make an action plan to keep you on track and honest. To begin, sit down and re-work your budget based on your goals. To buy that house in five years you may have to cut money from another area of your budget. Look at fixed versus variable expenses. Highlight the areas in your budget where you can decrease spending in order to increase savings. By re-working your budget, you will know exactly where your money is going and what you can or cannot afford to spend.

Put an action plan into place to ensure the money is being distributed properly. For example, if you wish to save for a car you may want to open a savings account to put money into each month. By opening a separate account for your savings, you will be less likely to accidently spend this money which you have allocated for your savings. Set up direct debits from your bank account or paycheque, this way saving will be non-negotiable.

Be pro-active not reactive. Get on the phone and call your creditors to see how they can help you. Research possibilities for re-structuring your debt and take the time to crunch the numbers. Try exploring different savings and investment vehicles such as investments that pay money, stocks or mutual finds. If you are require assistance, call your financial institution or seek out the assistance of a credit counselor.

It is crucial that you put your words into action, allowing you to transform your goal from an idea into a reality. If you need help setting and obtaining your financial goals our Credit Counselor is available to help. Our Credit Counseling service is free of charge. Simply call 1-866-892-2441.

Goals Are a Relationship Necessity – Here Are 10 Tools to Help

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Published on October 5, 2010 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Setting Goals as a Couple

I believe that happiness comes from moving toward what you want, not necessarily getting it. What this means to you is that in order to be happy, couples need to have goals that they are moving toward. How can couples motivate and support each other to achieve individual and relationship goals? Here are ten steps that will enable you, and your partnership to create and reach your goals and keep your connection as a couple strong.

1. First, you must ensure that the individual and couple goals are in alignment. This alignment is critical for creating harmony and allowing you both to reach your dreams. Once that alignment is secure there is no limit to how much you can accomplish together

2. Talk about where you want to be and what you want to do in the next six months to two years. Next discuss, imagine and contemplate where you want your lives to be in five, ten and twenty years. Keep it positive and don’t poo-poo any ideas until you’ve had the chance to get them on

3. Make sure that the goals both of you strive for make you feel good about yourselves. You can’t achieve something that goes against your values. Sharing how your goals as a couple can benefit others as well as yourselves is a powerful and bonding experience.

4. Make sure your goals are specific, attainable and realistic. I believe in the old saying that, “If you shoot for the stars, maybe you’ll hit the moon,” but it makes more sense to keep the majority of your goals a little more earthbound.

5. Celebrate (and enjoy it) when you reach milestones, dreams or goals, and agree upon a reward system to help keep you motivated. For example, each time you accomplish a step toward your goals talk about how you feel about each other and how far you have come in your relationship, and then go out to dinner.

6. Create and arrangement that helps both of you stay accountable to the commitments you have made to each other. This is a sacred bond, it’s not a matter of reward or punishment, it’s an arrangement that helps support both of you as well as your relationship.

7. Give each other the room to achieve your desires by allowing (even supporting) your partner to experiment. As long as you agree to proceed with honor and dignity, you can be as creative as you like. Great ideas come from all kinds of places, you never know when something “off the wall” will open doors.

8. Agree with each other to seek and accept feedback. No one has all the answers so create a support structure to help you attain your desires. Couples whose relationship are supported by friends and family reach their goals and have happier relationships.

9. Write down and review your goals, and if you’re comfortable, post them somewhere where you can see them everyday. In a study done at Yale University, they found that people who wrote down their goals achieved them 97% more often than those who did not.

10. Remember that everything you do together has more than twice as much power as what you do alone. Creating goals as a couple or a family is not only healthy for your relationship, but should be fun as well.

Be sure to replace your accomplished dreams and goals with new ones. It really is a secret to happiness.

Creating goals as a couple is one of the most powerful and connecting things you can do. Have fun with it and see where it takes you, there is nothing better than sharing your success with someone you love.

Sourced from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/goals-are-relationship-necessity-here-are-10-tools-help

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Surviving Loss During the Festive Season

Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life. For some people, coping with loss is a difficult and painful experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. As family and friends draw near, people can be left feeling down and grim, reflecting on what they have lost in their life during the past year.

 

Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).

 

In many households the festive season is a time for giving, spending time with family and friends, and celebrating the past year. These activities can generate common symptoms of grief including, sadness, guilt, anger and fear, as the traditions have changed due to your loss, and the celebration is no longer the same. Perhaps the family member who always cooked the turkey is no longer living, you have lost your job and you can not afford the large gifts like last year, or it is the first year all the children have not been able to make it home. Unfortunately for most, despite feeling down and blue, skipping Christmas is not an option and “the show must go on”.

 

Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many.

 

Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.

 

The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.

 

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Debt Settlement Companies: Approach with Caution!

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– Signs that you may be walking into a scam –

This past month, the Consumer Service Section of the Government of PEI announced that they will be seeking comment on the potential amendments to the Collection Agencies Act. The Collection Agencies Act regulates the acts of debt settlement companies, and works to protect the rights of you- the consumer. These proposed amendments come after much misleading and  falsified  activity from numerous debt settlement companies.

As the holidays draw near, and 2013 approaches, debt settlement companies are busier than ever advertising their services, which are often too good to be true! It is important to be cautious about companies that claim they can negotiate a deal to cut the amount of debt you must repay to your creditors. This process is often called “debt reduction,” “debt settlement,” “debt relief” or “debt negotiation.” (www. fcac-acfc.gc.ca).

Whilst new amendments to this Act will help protect vulnerable debt holders, it is important that you recognize any signs indicating a debt settlement company may have less than good intentions.

Where are they located? A genuine company should be able to provide you with their physical location, which should be local.

Are they calling you? Chances are, if the company is cold calling to get business they have another agenda which they are not sharing with you.

Are they only interested in credit card debt? A genuine debt settlement company will take into consideration all debts that you have accumulated, including mortgage, student loans, and credit card debt.

Are they unclear about money amounts? The company needs to be able to tell you exactly how much of your money is going to pay off your debts, and how much they will be charging as an administration fee.

Are they sending you a 10 page contract? The company needs to take time to explain all the clauses of the contract. If you receive a 10 page document with size 8 font be weary!

If you are considering engaging a debt reduction company please be sure to first contact the Government of PEI’s Consumer Services, an ethical and helpful source of assistance (1-800-658-1799).

Keep Your Finances in Check this Holiday Season

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– Five simple tips to avoid that dreaded post Christmas credit card bill –

The music, the lights, the jolly good cheer, oh the joys of Christmas! Generally, we as Canadians love the celebration of Christmas. It is a time for traditions, visiting loved ones, and spending money. Whether we want to admit it or not, with Christmas comes an indulgence of money spending. According to the RBC Canadian Consumer Outlook, Canadians will spend a total amount of $1,183 on gifts, entertainment, travel and decorations. So unless you are spending Christmas with the Kranks, the big question is: What small steps can you take to save money this holiday season?

Gift Buying:

The RBC survey suggests shoppers who plan on buying gifts are likely to shell out $629 on their purchases. Although it is hard to be frugal with the turkey dinner, gift buying is an area where a small amount of planning can go a long way. Here are five tips to help you save this holiday season.

#1- Create a list! We all know who the top five people are, but do we know who falls to the bottom of the list, or where it even ends? Creating a list will help you avoid feeling obligated to buy your great aunt Betty a gift. Be clear on who is prioritized for gift buying, and who is not. As for the people on the bottom of the list, perhaps a card with a family picture or even a visit during the festive season will be enough to show how much you care.

#2- Do not get caught up in the holiday cheer! For some of us the music in the department store, combined with the decorations, jolly sales person and the smell of Christmas in the air is just too much to handle. Before you know it you are in the hardware section buying that extra tool to top off your husbands collection. Be alert, know the signs, keep your head on straight and do not get sucked in! One way to avoid this problem is to try online shopping. Not only will you avoid the tempting holiday cheer, but the lines at the cash register as well. Be sure to check shipping times and do not click too much!

#3- Set limits with gift exchanges! Do not be afraid to tell family members and friends that this Christmas the gifts should be $20 maximum. Although you may feel like the cheap scape of the group, it is guaranteed that nobody will challenge your suggestion. Not only does it help you to avoid that awkward moment when she spent $50 more on your gift than you did on hers, but it allows people to be creative in their gift selection, generating somewhat of a challenge for those involved. In all reality, it is easy to find nice $50 gifts, but with a $20 limit you will have to think a little harder!

#4- Buy in advance! This will allow you to avoid that tempting holiday cheer, those long lines, and that last minute run to the mall because you forgot about Uncle John. Buying in advance will help you to keep your priorities straight and save money. Throughout the year keep an eye out for end of season sales, promotional events, and discounted prices. Stop at the bargain bin each time you go to the drugstore to look for stalking stuffers. A little here and there can add up to big savings!

#5- Do not be afraid to get creative! Homemade gifts are not cheap, they are thoughtful and creative. With Pintrest at your fingertips there are tons of Christmas gift ideas that do not require you to have the talents of Martha Stewart. Not only can making gifts save you money, they can be a fun way to engage with others and spread the Christmas cheer. Set up a craft night with your kids or friends, turn on the Christmas carols and get out the glue gun. Let’s face it, Grandparents can’t help but smile when they open that ornament made by your 6 year old.

 

Family Service PEI Welcomes New Employee

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Family Service P.E.I is happy to welcome Ellan Dickieson to our team. Ellan assumes the new role of Education and Outreach Specialist located in the Summerside office.

 

Ellan holds a Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto and has experience in the government sector, as well as the not-for-profit sector. Most recently Ellan has spent time in Botswana, Africa where she was working with local non-governmental organizations to implement behaviour change programs.

 

Ellan will be working hard to increase our public profile and community partnerships. She will be available to provide educational presentations and workshops to the general public on our two main service areas, therapeutic counseling and credit counseling. We are excited to have Ellan on board!

 

 

New Part Time employment opportunity:

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Therapeutic Counsellor
Temporary Part Time Position
(7.5 hours per week + flex time dependent on demand for service)
Charlottetown, PEI

Family Service PEI, an Island-based, non-profit family service agency, is recruiting an enthusiastic, experienced professional to further develop our therapeutic counselling services from our Charlottetown office. This position is split into 2 different set of duties with differing hours required of the therapist:

#1: For a scheduled 7.5 hours per week during regular daytime office hours duties include; but are not limited to:

• Development and implementation of group work;
• Networking to promote therapeutic services available through FSPEI
• Collaborating with other services, programs and the community to enhance and improve community- based services for Islanders,
• Providing information and education to clients and groups in the community related to relationships, family life and healthy human development,
• Advocating on behalf of clients with other agencies, systems and service providers,
• Undertaking other related duties as required.

#2: Based on the scheduling needs of clients who cannot attend sessions during currently available appointment times, and/or an increased demand for service stemming from the implementation of #1 above – the therapist will work ‘flex hours’ completing the following duties:

• Provision of professional therapeutic counselling services to children, adults, couples and families utilizing a variety of client-centered treatment models,
• Provision of screening, clinical assessment, case planning, case coordination, direct service, consultation, evaluation and referral services to clients,
• Prioritizing and effectively managing caseload expectations,
• Utilizing various computer programs to conduct daily work tasks,
• Maintaining appropriate client records and other related files and performing other case-related administrative tasks in a comprehensive, up-to-date manner,

Qualifications:
Master’s Degree in Social Work (minimum) or equivalent, with current and ongoing registration with a regulating body,
– professional social work experience including counselling experience,a valid driver’s license and access to a reliable vehicle,
– a good work and attendance record,
– current and ongoing acceptable criminal record checks
The successful applicant must be willing to sign a conflict of interest agreement prohibiting the provision of competing services outside their hours of work with FSPEI.

No phone calls please. Any inquires regarding the position may be sent via email to the address below.
Please submit your resume and letter of application by 4:30 PM November 2, 2012 to:

Family Service PEI, 106 – 155 Belvedere Ave; Charlottetown, PE, C1A 2Y9 Fax: 902-892-4998, Email: director@familyservice.pe.ca.

We thank all applicants for their interest; however, only those under consideration will be contacted.

Back-to-School Shopping

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It seems as though everyone tackles back-to-school shopping differently. No matter how it is gone about, the experience is often dreaded. Whether you’ve spent more than you intended in the past years or ended up scrambling for one item at the last minute, you probably have a bad memory to associate with the event. Here are some tips that should help you improve your overall back-to-school shopping experience and lead you in the direction of a better outcome.

If you have a list of school supplies that your child will need throughout the year, it is a good idea to keep a copy in your vehicle at all times in case you are able to pick up a few extra things while running errands. Before you do go out shopping, however, consider shopping at home first. Can last year’s backpacks be reused? What about lunch boxes? Maybe you have a ruler or a protractor sitting in your junk drawer. If your child has an older sibling, perhaps their old supplies can be traded down. The number of utilities you can obtain for free may surprise you!

When bringing the kids along on a back-to-school shopping trip, it’s easy for them to become fixated on getting the more expensive, trend-oriented gear. A good method of dodging conflict in this situation is to establish individual budgets for each child before going out. If dealing with a younger child, you could even make a game out of it!

When a firm budget is in place, a child will be less likely to beg for extra merchandise. If they do become absorbed in a brand-name item or anything else that sends them over their limit, you can refer to the budget and give them the opportunity to exchange other objects in order to make room for their purchase. If you’re having the same difficulty with a teenager, try asking them to pay for extra expenses. Having a budget will teach your young ones how to manage money and set priorities.

Be on the lookout for deals and experiment with shopping at office depots. The majority of back-to-school sales take place in August and they carry great deals. That having been said, sometimes quality counts more than price. Though brand-name crayons may cost more than the ones on sale, they may also break less frequently, saving you money in the long run. Look back on the previous years and see if you can recall any other items that this philosophy may apply to.

Another great way to save money is to bulk up on the basics. Your kids will always need pencils, pens, paper, and similar essentials in school, so if you spy a great deal on them, don’t just buy in accordance to the quantity recommended by the supplies list; stock up! Save for next year! If your high school student will need special items for their second semester, buy them in advance while they’re on sale! Keep all these bulk items in a cabinet and distribute them as needed. Allowing your child to store them in their desk or locker until they’re needed may result in their being lost or given away.

For great tips on how to get the most out of your dollar year-round, we encourage you to visit mymoneycoach.ca