Temptations; they come in all forms, shapes and sizes. They are sometimes small, they are sometimes big, but one thing is sure- we will face them every single day. For those of us engaged in a serious relationship one of the many temptations we may face is cheating. Yes I said it- Cheating. It sounds like a dirty word, one associated with bad people, evil and the dark side. But let’s face it, we are all only human and some of us are much more easily tempted. So when does someone cross that line and enter the cheating world? Is it when I think about that person non-stop and become emotionally attached? Is it when we exchange naughty text messages, or when we engage in a sexual act? Point being- cheating is multi-layered, it occurs on many different levels, but one thing is certain- regardless of how you are doing it, it can be significantly hurtful to your partner in various ways.
Emotional Cheating-
You enjoy their attention, you have long conversations, and you have lunch together and genuinely enjoy their company. The problem is that they are not your best friend or your spouse. They may be your old college boyfriend, a long time friend or a coworker, but one thing for certain is that your spouse does not know about the close relationship you share.
So what is the big deal if the relationship is not sexual? If there is no infidelity can you really call it cheating? Emotional cheating can have severe impacts on your relationship as you slowly withdraw from your significant other and leave yourself open to being emotionally satisfied from another source. For many, knowing your partner is being secretive, lying, and deceiving you, is much more difficult to overcome than having your partner cheat in a sexual manner. Although sexual intimacy in a relationship is important, emotional intimacy can be the glue which holds the couple together. Once trust has been broken you may be left wondering what is left of the relationship.
Digital Cheating-
We are living in a technological time when cheating can involve little effort and be much less formal. You can call it texting, sexting or chexting, fact being you are using an electronic device to communicate with someone besides your significant other, and the lingo is getting hot and heavy. Next thing you know your clothes may be carried away into cyberspace and you are living a digital dream.
Digital cheating can start off as an innocent conversation and escalate quickly. Often there is a sense of security and detachment, as the person is at distance and you are blocked by a screen. This leads to people disclosing personal information or acting in a manner that they may not otherwise.
When caught you may tell your partner it meant nothing and it was harmless- I mean you never did meet up with the person and there was no sexual encounter. But like emotional cheating, you enjoyed the attention, the long conversations and the company they provided you; leaving your partner wondering what your relationship is missing that would cause you to supplement in this manner. Digital cheating can be the beginning of a much larger indiscretion; it is a slippery slope, one that you should stay far away from before you end up in a landslide.
Sexual Cheating-
Digital cheating is fun, emotional cheating means you’ve likely checked out of your marriage, but if it’s just sex, it’s less about attachment and more about an insensitive slip-up. Those who have sexual extra-marital affairs may be still in love with their spouse, and despite popular belief, men and women are both equally guilty. So why risk so much for a simple romp in the hay when you genuinely love your spouse?
Imagine this: You are married, you have a few kids, the honey moon is over and your sexy spouse is now becoming your companion and partner. You are completely satisfied with the security they provide and their sense of responsibility, but the relationship is lacking in the romance department. People who cheat haven’t necessarily fallen out of love; they’ve become unsatisfied with it. In fact, many people may cheat to try and save their marriage, thinking that once their romantic or sexual needs have been fulfilled they will be able to return to their spouse and feel completely satisfied as that longing for something more will have disappeared.
The reality is that you may hate yourself after a sexual affair, actually maybe after any affair. Chances are the guilt and shame will outweigh any positive emotions, leaving you feeling like a piece of garbage. The good news, although not recommended, is that cheating can re-kindle a marriage. Generally this is the case when the cheating is a one or two time slip up, not an extended sexual affair. Although people may see an affair as exciting, often they discover that the new relationship is not as perfect as they had anticipated and discover themselves more willing to work on their relationship with their spouse.
Temptations will always be present. Sometimes they will be obvious and sometimes they will creep up on you. It is your responsibility to recognize them before they turn from a temptation into a problem. Be aware of your own personal boundaries and be sure to have an open conversation with your partner about setting limits within your relationship. Remember, the idea of being pushed into the arms of another is an expression, not a reality.