Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life. For some people, coping with loss is a difficult and painful experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. As family and friends draw near, people can be left feeling down and grim, reflecting on what they have lost in their life during the past year.
Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).
In many households the festive season is a time for giving, spending time with family and friends, and celebrating the past year. These activities can generate common symptoms of grief including, sadness, guilt, anger and fear, as the traditions have changed due to your loss, and the celebration is no longer the same. Perhaps the family member who always cooked the turkey is no longer living, you have lost your job and you can not afford the large gifts like last year, or it is the first year all the children have not been able to make it home. Unfortunately for most, despite feeling down and blue, skipping Christmas is not an option and “the show must go on”.
Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many.
Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.
The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.
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