Category Archives: Family Life

What Does Family Violence Look Like?

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With Family Violence Prevention Week quickly approaching (February 9-15), it is everyone’s responsibility to be educated, raise awareness, and reduce stigma surrounding family violence.

What is family violence?

The Canadian Justice Department defines it as, “Any form of abuse, mistreatment or neglect that a child or adult experiences from a family member, or from someone with whom they have an intimate relationship.” More specifically, family violence can be broken into 5 forms:

Physical

Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury. Example: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting

Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health. Example: medication, medical care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance. Forcing alcohol or other drug use.

Sexual

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent. Example: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, fondling, sodomy, sex with others

Attempting to undermine the victim’ sexuality. Example: treating him/her in a sexually derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability, accusations of infidelity, withholding sex

Psychological

Instilling or attempting to instill fear. Example: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, victim, and/or others, threatening to harm and/or kidnap children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, stalking, isolating or attempting to isolate victim from friends, family, school, and/or work. Example: withholding access to phone and/or transportation, undermining victim’s personal relationships, harassing others, constant “checking up,” constant accompaniment, use of unfounded accusations, forced imprisonment

Emotional

Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth. 
Example: constant criticism, belittling victim’s abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim’s feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner’s relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises

Economic

Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent. 
Example: maintaining total control over financial resources including victim’s earned income or resources received through public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding attendance at school, forbidding employment, on-the-job harassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, withholding information about family running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payment.

Source: New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence

33 Parent Tips For Saving Money At Christmas

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By: Nicole Avery

This post is part of my 10 Week Christmas Planning Series. Click here to read more posts – Christmas Planning 2013.

Through out this series we have been discussing how much we spend on kids at Christmas and Christmas overall. A common theme has been that readers would like to be spending less than what they currentlty do. In the quick survey I conducted I asked for readers tips on hot to save at Christmas time. Below are a collection of tips from other parents, that might help you spend a little less this year!

The anonymous tips come from the survey. Tips with a name attached were given to me via my facebook page.

Presents for kids

  • Jennifer McMahon Clark shared a philosophy I had hear before, when buying for kids give them “Something they WANT, something they NEED, something they WEAR and something they READ.”
  • Steer clear of things that don’t last, use Christmas time as a chance to stock up on things they really need. Not stuff they will only play with for a week.
  • Rachel McNaughton shared that they spend “The [same] amount we spend on our sponsor children in Africa… Seems only fair!!”
  • Nicolette White Sporys spends $200-$300 each, but it – “Includes outfit for the day, art supplies, a book, a large individual present and a shared gift such as a tent. No gifts till they are 2 or 3 and are aware of Christmas. This year they are getting ballet lessons as I’m trying to move awayfrom stuff and towards experiences.”
  • Jenny Davies shared their Christmas eve tradition – “I make up a box on which they both get brand new pair of pyjamas each, new slippers, snowman soup, new toothbrush and toothpaste. I also buy a Christmas Story and a Christmas film for them to share. We sit & watch the film while they drink their snowman soup (hot chocolate and marshmallows). Then they brush their teeth with their new toothbrushes and toothpaste before getting into their new pyjamas and snuggling down to have their Christmas story read to them. I love making their Christmas Eve box up!”
  • Samantha McWilliam takes a save first approach – “I have 8 children and how much I spend on each child depends on what kind of year we had and how much money ended up in the Christmas account. We did however tell Santa that he needed to be consistent and spend the same amount on each child each year.”
  • Nat Egan shares – “Around the AU$200 mark…one main present, then just fillers. But stuff that they need anyway…lunch boxes, etc…they do get fun stuff too. But I like to “bulk” it out with the necessities.”
  • My kids get a santa bag that is left on their bed and a main gift that is left under the Christmas tree. The santa bag is filled with essential stuff they ould get anyway – undies, socks, school supplies, toothbrush, deodorant, hair products, something to wear Christmas day and bathers, maybe even a small lego and a treat. They can spend ages emptying out the bag and comparing their finds and are genuinely excited over everything. (I always received a santa bag when I was a kid and loved it. Confession – I still get a santa bag each year up at mum and dads, it still has much the same things in it and a giant tub of Milo!).
  • Keep in mind that in our country our children really don’t ‘need’ anything!
  • We always bought 2nd hand christmas gifts for our kids at baby and toddler age, plus one bought “big” present. Its not until they are older that we started buying more costly things they wanted.

Planning your Christmas shopping

  • Buy through the year at sales so you don’t find yourself scrambling buying anything and at the most expensive price at the last minute.
  • Try not to be “sucked in” by the $1 here and $3 there additions to the shopping basket. It’s amazing how much these things can add up. Plan before you go shopping and/or do a pre-buying trip to see what’s available if you’re not sure and then go home to think about it and make a list before you actually buy and then realise you already have things or have too much!
  • Don’t leave it all to the last minute. Have a list of who you need to buy for, pick up things as you see them, when on sale, put away.
  • Buy presents through out the year. Sometimes picking up an item second hand on Ebay allows for a greater value present at a lower cost.
  • Shop for toys in the July toy sales- most have Christmas laybys so you don’t have to try and hide them for too long. Do as much shopping online as possible, to avoid impulse buys. I find ezibuyand identitydirect are good sites for gifts.
  • Buy cards, gift tags and paper after Christmas ready for next year.
  • I start a list in June with items that the kids or hubby have expressed interest in. Then I watch for the sales in the next 6 months and buy things ahead of time. Usually everything is purchased by Dec 1.
  • Online window shopping to get an idea of what is out there and how much to pay. Sometimes I buy online if its cheaper, otherwise I only go to the shops I need to, not into all shops.
  • Setup secret Santa or kris kringles for nieces & nephews rather than buying for them all.
  • Co-ordinate (lots of talking or just a group email) with extended family members so they are aware of what ‘Santa’ might be bringing and they can get things related. Therefore there is no great need for Santa to have to bring all desired objects. eg. Wooden railway- Santa gives basic train and some track and then everyone else gives additional trains or track sets. Clever Santa could have sent messages or everyone was just thinking alike! or Santa gives the bike while Grandparents give the helmet etc. PS- this is not a last minute thing it needs to be done early when people haven’t started their Christmas shopping yet
  • Don’t leave it until the last minute, buy things throughout the year. We never ever use credit cards for Xmas so nice not be faced with a huge debt in Jan. Lay by is a good option, also loveBook Depository and Amazon can be very cheap but you need to order a lot to justify the shipping costs.
  • I set up a Christmas Budget account and put $100 in it each month. It covers my daughter’s presents and presents for other people and whatever’s leftover we spend on food & drink over the Christmas period. I also buy ALL the Christmas presents in the EOFY sales so save heaps. It is SO much less stressful now!!! I try to buy one outdoor toy each year, but by having this budget I get to, say, October and depending on how much I have left to spend it could be a football or a giant swingset thing!!!
  • Buying gifts through the year when on sale. Have started using ‘reusable’ wrapping (eg fabric gift bags, or scarve/like-minded extended family. Lengths of fabric as furoshiki) for our immediate family. (Small initial cost, but mostly lengths of fabric I already had) Also, doing a ‘Kris Kringle’ with extended family, so we buy a single, decent gift rather than many smaller gifts has saved a fair bit.
  • Make things yourself – start doing it early in the year and you can save heaps this way.
  • Keep a Christmas notebook with budget, people to buy for, presents bought / ideas, receipts and layby info to keep everything in the one place.
  • Keep a list of items purchased and put away – so you remember who you have purchased for and you don’t end up with 10 gifts for one child and only one gift for another!
  • 1. Keep a running list of items the kids/other family members would like/have mentioned throughout the year 2. Buy any of these items when they’re on sale – online wishlists are great for keeping track and noting sales 3. i find books are great presents for almost everyone as you can nearlyalways find one to reflect someone’s interests for quite a reasonable price – bookdepository is great for this.
  • I buy 2 boxes of chocolates and have them wrapped and handy for unexpected guests.
  • I create my own Xmas hamper by buying extra of regular non perishables when they go on special every time I go food shopping from October. I also set a Colours theme for wrapping each year and find everything the previous year on sale if I can.
  • Don’t get caught up in the hype, and make as much as you can from scratch.
  • We don’t buy a lot of snack foods and fizzy drinks eg shortbread etc, we buy a few treats for a couple of days over Christmas and for entertaining, but try to keep a lid on it for cost and health reasons. We share dinner costs with family members and have a Secret Santa too.
  • Redeem fly buys to buy get a gift or voucher.
  • I get the toy catalogues that come out mid year and start planning roughly what to get them. I leave them out and the kids often start looking at them and telling me what they like. It might not save money as such but it ensures I can hone in on what they want and get quality not quantity.

Sourced From: http://planningwithkids.com/2013/10/30/33-parent-tips-for-saving-money-at-christmas/

Do You Lie To Your Spouse About Holiday Spending?

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By: Andrea Updyke

A few years ago, my husband and I decided to create a pretty strict budget.

We wanted to pay down our student loans and be realistic about the fact that I was no longer bringing home a full-time salary. It was time to tighten the ol’ purse strings and it took a lot of planning. We did the usual things like cutting spending, canceling cable and other non-essentials, and saving a bit each month for emergencies.

One year, after a particularly costly Christmas, we realized we needed to add holiday spending into the budget. We knew that even saving just a few dollars a month would be better than having a big  bill at the end of the year. We travel for the holidays every other year and it seemed like a no-brainer. I was doing a bit of freelance work here and there and we wanted to make the most of it. Of course, the only reason we were able to do this because we were on the same page.

According to a recent survey by McGraw-Hill Federal Credit Union,

Not only do today’s couples experience anxiety over holiday shopping, many partners also lie to each other to cover up just how much they’ve spent or plan to spend.

From a sampling of over 1,000 couples in 3 different segments: married, same-sex and divorced but remarried/in-a-relationship, MHFCU found the following to be true:

  • 48% of all heterosexual couples disagree with their partner on how much to spend during the holidays.
  • 43% of divorced but remarried/in-a-relationship couples disagree with their partner’s spending. However, the percentage drops to 37% for same-sex couples.
  • 34% of heterosexual couples have lied to their spouse about holiday spending, while 25% of divorced/remarried or in-a-relationship, and same-sex couples lie to their partner.
  • More than 50% of married couples report paying with cash to cover up a large purchase and more than 1-in-10 has taken out a credit card in their own name to hide their spending.
  • Same-sex couples are more likely to retrieve/pay a bill before a partner notices.

At first glance, these numbers seem pretty shocking to me. I mean, I know we are talking about the holidays and it is the season of giving. But when lying and deceit gets tangled up in the process the magic seems to dull a bit for me. Just like any other area in a marriage/relationship, people aren’t always honest with each other. In and of itself that is just too bad.

I am fortunate that my husband and I are on the same page when it comes to finances. But that is because we are intentional about our goals and how we are going to get there. If you aren’t in agreement, things can go downhill quickly.

Sourced from: http://blogs.babycenter.com/mom_stories/11182013-do-you-lie-to-your-spouse-about-holiday-spending/

 

How to Handle the Empty Nest Syndrome

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173By Courtney Hope

Are you an empty nester? See how other Canadian parents deal with change once the kids leave home.

If you have children it is inevitable that, at some point, they’re going to leave home — whether to go to school, travel, get married or start families of their own. While all parents know this, it can still be a hard reality to face. After raising children and having them close at hand for 18 (or more) years, seeing them take off on their own can be tough. But just what kind of adjustment can you expect when you’re left with an empty nest?

To learn more about what it’s really like once the kids are gone, we turned to the world of social media to ask some of our readers about their experiences of dealing with their empty nests.

1. It feels like an ending
While living independently is a new beginning for the child, it can feel like an ending for many parents. “It seems to me that it is much like finishing a really good book,” says Kathy from Calgary, Alta., who experienced a great deal of sadness in the weeks following her oldest daughter’s marriage.

When a child leaves home, it isn’t just the end of a chapter in your life, but also the beginning of another. Use this time to enjoy your time with your spouse, and get excited for what the future holds for your children. “You are a little disappointed that the book is finished, but really happy that you got to enjoy it and really looking forward to the sequel.”

2. The house will be quieter than you think
One of the most common complaints from empty nesters is how hard it is to lay awake at night and hear every little creak your house makes. “The fridge is always full. There are no wet towels on the floor, no doors slamming, no phones ringing, no late-night chats, no random hugs,” says Sandi, a mother of three from Montreal. “There is just too much quiet.” Remember, though, initiating something like a monthly or even weekly family dinner is a great way to bring a little life back into your home and keep your family bond strong.

3. Filling the void can be hard
Parents love to joke about how great it is to have their children and grandchildren come home, spoil them for a bit and then send them back on their way. But often the feelings of emptiness can return each time you have to send your offspring away.

“I think one of the biggies for me is finding out just how tough it can be to fill the emptiness of that nest,” says Mike, a father of three from Brampton, Ont., adding “not physically, mind you, but emotionally.” Prepare yourself by truly enjoying your time with your children when they are around, then talking through the emotions you experience with your spouse once they leave.

4. It takes time to adjust 
It can be hard learning to live without your children being home anymore. Not only will you have to adjust to an empty house, you will have to get to know your spouse all over again, as a partner, not just a co-parent. “When it becomes just the two of you again, you feel a little guilty and a little sad,” says Sandi. “Guilty because you know you can do whatever you want whenever, but sad because you have spent so many years getting them ready to go and never really realized how fast that day would come.”

Don’t expect everything to change in an instant. Accept that it will take time to make these adjustments, and learn to laugh at the experience of re-learning things with your partner.

5. It’s OK to want them back

You can be happy for your children, but at the same time wish that you could keep them with you. “If I could, I would buy a huge house in the country with three floors,” says Karen, a mother of two grown children in Collingwood, Ont. “Each of us would have our own place, our own space and yet still be together.” It’s OK to want your children to return home once they’ve left. Some do, once they finish schooling or travelling, or when they decide to have children of their own. But if they don’t, it just means you have to put in more of an effort to reach out and remain close.
Whether they’ve flown the nest or will soon, losing your children to the next stages of their lives can be a difficult and emotional process. Use this time not only to reconnect with your spouse, but to take pride in your children’s successes and to get to know them in a whole new way.

By Courtney Hope

Sourced from: http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships

Should You Help Your Adult Children Financially?

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It’s hard not to offer financial help if your children need it. But make sure you’re being smart about it by following these four tips for helping your grown kids financially.

Long gone are the days where people got a great job out of school, got married at 20 and started having a family early in life. Today, many people are living at home longer and mooching off their parents for what seems like an eternity. Even if adult children do have a family of their own, they’re often still asking their parents for financial help.

It’s tough for parents to say no, but at some point, they have think about saving money for their own retirement. However, parents don’t have to cut their kids off completely. Here are four good ways parents can help provide financial support to their children.

1. Offer financial help with education
A lot of grandparents help pay for their grandchildren’s education. School costs are enormous, so this is a great way to help the family and do it in a way that has long-lasting benefits.

Anyone can set up an RESP, so open one for a grandchild and put their birthday money in it every year. By the time they get to university, they’ll hopefully have enough saved up to get them through school.

2. Help with a down payment on a home

If you have money to spare, consider helping your adult child with the down payment on their first house. The hardest thing for most young adults to do is get into the real estate market, but it’s much easer to stay in it once they’re there.Not only are you investing in your kids’ future by doing this, but there’s a good chance that their property will rise in value over the years. If they end up selling their house one day, you may be able to get some of that cash back — or at least know that you’ve helped them make a wise financial investment.
3. Create a trust
If you want your child to have some money when they’re older, set up a trust instead of just handing over the dough. The trust allows you to stipulate rules, such as at what age the child gets the money and what they have to do with it.It’s a good tool to make sure your children spend that money responsibly. While you’re waiting for the money to be doled out, you can invest it in the market and, hopefully, grow the assets.4. Buy a business
Does your adult child have trouble keeping a job? It may be because he or she just hasn’t found the right one. Consider buying your offspring a business. Entrepreneurship drives the Canadian economy so there are plenty of companies to own.Purchase something they’re passionate about. Keep an ownership stake so you can get regular dividends and, if they eventually sell, you can get some of the cash back.

The idea is to be productive with your money. Rather than just giving your adult child a credit card to shop with, give them something that has positive returns — both financially and personally.

By Bryan Borzykowski

Sourced from: http://www.canadianliving.com/life/money/

7 Ways of Dealing with your Child’s “Back to School Jitters”

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116Restless nights. Loss of appetite. Tummy aches. People say those are some of the signs your child may be feeling anxious about going back to school. But don’t worry, this is quite normal. Anxious feelings are expected during times of transition or change. This is especially true for children and teens going back to school, or for first-timers starting kindergarten. Prior to the first day of school, your child may cling, cry, have temper tantrums, complain, and become irritable. Here are some ways to get your child ready for going back to school.

1. Talk to your kids about what’s bothering them; be mindful that young children may have difficulty expressing their fears. Older kids may be uncomfortable opening up. Try approaching the subject in an informal setting, such as while you’re out for a walk or out for dinner, so they don’t feel like they’re being put on the spot.

2. Get children back on their regular sleep routine; this should be done weeks before school starts. Sleep in the key to relieving anxiety. Preschoolers need 11 to 13 hours a night; elementary school kids need 10 to 11 hours; preteens and teens should get 8 to 9 hours.

3. Make a list of your child’s fears and find strategies for helping them cope with them and to overcome them.

4. Get your child excited about school by letting them select items such as a new school bag, lunch box, and other supplies.

5. Remind your kids that the school year isn’t just about academics, but also social and sport activities; talk to them about the clubs and sports they would like to get involved in to make there school year better.

6. Explain that new situations can be stressful and scary but that they do get better with familiarity.

7. The night before school, have children prepare their outfit, school bag and lunch rather than in the morning so it is less of a rush.

Stress- Does It Affect You Sexually?

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Tips on How to Handle Stress in Your Relationship.

In today’s world where people are struggling with issues such as employment, financial troubles, ailing family members, marital problems and other difficulties, stress is becoming more and more prevalent and crushing.

For some of us, stress has become normalized to the point where we do not even recognize the strain we are living under. But stress is insidious. It has a way of coming out when you are least expecting it. You might think you’re on top of things, but you transfer the result of stress to other areas of your life. And usually, you dump it on your nearest and dearest.

Everyone knows that stress can affect your mood, your sleeping habits, and your waistline, but did you know that stress can also affect your sex life?

Stress can completely derail your libido and sexual response.

Just as prolonged stress affects health, so too does prolonged stress affect one’s sex life. Stress is perhaps the number one culprit in men’s and women’s low sexual desire. Too much stress often chips away a person’s libido (desire), by affecting hormones and mood, and by interfering with the quality time that helps a couple stay connected.

Stress can cause uncomfortable mental and physical reactions such as feeling exhausted, grumpy, and anxious, and also making moments difficult to appreciate or be with your partner.

Laura Berman, Ph.D., director of the Berman Center for women’s sexual health in Chicago, says that “stress makes you tired, distracted and unmotivated to do anything, much less have sex.”

We also must be aware that stress isn’t the only reason why couples can have a declining sex life, but it can be one of the major factors. Dr Berman said, “Hormones, brain chemicals, stress, medications, and diet and exercise habits can all play a role.”  Taking the time, and putting forth the effort to make a few lifestyle changes can create a big difference, especially those changes which relate directly to reducing stress.

It is important to understand how stressful events affect your marriage or relationship. Since you can’t avoid stressful situations, you have to be able to recognize and manage them. Finding a way to have a conversation about what is causing you stress, where you and your partner could talk about it and feel relieved and satisfied, can make your relationship stronger. Here are some tips on how to handle stress in your relationship.

Figure Out What is Bothering You

Stress is tricky. We often say “I’m so stressed out!” but have trouble figuring out what is causing these feelings. Take the time to find out where the problem is rooted, and share this information with your partner. This will better enable your partner to help you cope with your stress. With increased awareness of what you are worried about, together you can work on ways to reduce your stress levels.

Recognize that not every problem (or stressor) has a solution, but talking about it and sharing your feelings can help you manage it. Understand that if you don’t figure out how to successfully handle stress with your partner, problems in your marriage may emerge.

Stay Connected

Sometimes couples spend more time confiding in their friends rather than their spouses as they feel their partner might not understand them. Turning away from your partner during stressful events can be one of the most damaging behaviors in a relationship. This can lead to feelings of rejection. Silence leads to greater frustration and increased anger, which can drive the two of you apart.

Try to strengthen your relationship by turning to each other often. You can do this by simply talking about the every-day events that happen in your lives, like the news, a good movie you saw, or the accomplishments of your children. This builds the confidence and trust you both need so you can discuss heavier and potentially stressful topics when they arise.

Maintain Intimacy

Intimacy is an important part of any successful marriage. While many people think intimacy pertains only to sex, there is much more involved. By being open and honest we develop emotional intimacy. When we are stressed this is especially important. Intimacy gives your partner a chance to support you and in return, you are more likely to support them when they are stressed.

Couples and Taxes- How to Reduce the Stress

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Some would say there are only two things we can be sure of in life; death and taxes. Not surprisingly, both can cause tremendous stress. Financial stress is a major factor in health problems like depression and decreased immunity, and a leading cause of divorce.

That being said, obviously nobody wants filing taxes to be the last straw that broke the camels back! So how do you and your partner properly prepare with that April 30th due date looming? A little effort in advance can go a long way in helping to prevent stress and tension.

Be organized. Be sure that you have a designated spot in your home where you both set aside all the important papers that you may need to file your taxes. This can simply be a drawer or a filing cabinet. By having everything on hand, when the time comes you will avoid scrounging, or blaming each other for losing that important receipt; or spending precious time looking for it!

Review. Throughout the year, set aside time to sit down as a couple and review your financial situation. There is nothing worse than getting the surprise of your life when you start doing your taxes. This way you will be able to better prepare for any money owed and it will give you a clear picture of your financial position. You may have to give up the trip down south for RRSPs, but at least you are making cognizant, educated decisions together!

Stay informed. If you decide to wear the hat of accountant, make sure you stay current and up to date on new changes. Generally every year there are small changes made to tax regulations, it is important that you go online, research, or visit a professional. Who knows, you could be missing out on money!

Start early. We are all guilty of procrastinating in one way or another. Carrying this into tax filing is simply not a good idea. Not only will you spend sleepless nights, you may miss out on valuable information and make mistakes. Not to mention your spouse will be cold in bed alone, and working under a deadline just simply is not fun.

Make it fun. You are probably asking, “Is that even possible?” Well it is time to think outside the box! Put on some nice music, a little aromatherapy, a comfortable place to work and a good cup of coffee. Remember when you were in university and you used to go buy treats to have while you were studying for exams?… You are never too old for some M&Ms and sour candies.

Take baby steps. Do not overwhelm yourself. Break the process into smaller steps and set aside time each week to complete one. By using this approach it is probable that you will pay more attention to detail, learn more, and experience less anxiety.

Reward yourself. Or even better, have your spouse reward you! If you have been sitting at the desk all day ask your partner to prepare a nice meal to acknowledge your hard work. Not only will this give you something to look forward to while you work away, but it will provide your spouse with a way to thank you for your efforts. On the other hand you may wish to get up and do some exercise, get out of the house, or head out to socialize with friends.

Get help. Remember, if taxes cause great stress to you, your partner, or your relationship, it may be wise to get professional help. Speak openly with your partner about why and how you think a professional could help. Come to an agreement about who you would like to engage for help, maybe you are not comfortable with going to a family member and would prefer a more confidential source. Always remember, sometimes a little investment can go a long way!

The Canadian Revenue Agency provides a tax return preparation service for low to modest income Canadians who have a simple tax return. If you wish to learn more about this service visit www.cra.gc.ca

Happy tax filing everyone!

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Surviving Loss During the Festive Season

Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life. For some people, coping with loss is a difficult and painful experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. As family and friends draw near, people can be left feeling down and grim, reflecting on what they have lost in their life during the past year.

 

Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).

 

In many households the festive season is a time for giving, spending time with family and friends, and celebrating the past year. These activities can generate common symptoms of grief including, sadness, guilt, anger and fear, as the traditions have changed due to your loss, and the celebration is no longer the same. Perhaps the family member who always cooked the turkey is no longer living, you have lost your job and you can not afford the large gifts like last year, or it is the first year all the children have not been able to make it home. Unfortunately for most, despite feeling down and blue, skipping Christmas is not an option and “the show must go on”.

 

Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many.

 

Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.

 

The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.

 

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Keep Your Finances in Check this Holiday Season

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– Five simple tips to avoid that dreaded post Christmas credit card bill –

The music, the lights, the jolly good cheer, oh the joys of Christmas! Generally, we as Canadians love the celebration of Christmas. It is a time for traditions, visiting loved ones, and spending money. Whether we want to admit it or not, with Christmas comes an indulgence of money spending. According to the RBC Canadian Consumer Outlook, Canadians will spend a total amount of $1,183 on gifts, entertainment, travel and decorations. So unless you are spending Christmas with the Kranks, the big question is: What small steps can you take to save money this holiday season?

Gift Buying:

The RBC survey suggests shoppers who plan on buying gifts are likely to shell out $629 on their purchases. Although it is hard to be frugal with the turkey dinner, gift buying is an area where a small amount of planning can go a long way. Here are five tips to help you save this holiday season.

#1- Create a list! We all know who the top five people are, but do we know who falls to the bottom of the list, or where it even ends? Creating a list will help you avoid feeling obligated to buy your great aunt Betty a gift. Be clear on who is prioritized for gift buying, and who is not. As for the people on the bottom of the list, perhaps a card with a family picture or even a visit during the festive season will be enough to show how much you care.

#2- Do not get caught up in the holiday cheer! For some of us the music in the department store, combined with the decorations, jolly sales person and the smell of Christmas in the air is just too much to handle. Before you know it you are in the hardware section buying that extra tool to top off your husbands collection. Be alert, know the signs, keep your head on straight and do not get sucked in! One way to avoid this problem is to try online shopping. Not only will you avoid the tempting holiday cheer, but the lines at the cash register as well. Be sure to check shipping times and do not click too much!

#3- Set limits with gift exchanges! Do not be afraid to tell family members and friends that this Christmas the gifts should be $20 maximum. Although you may feel like the cheap scape of the group, it is guaranteed that nobody will challenge your suggestion. Not only does it help you to avoid that awkward moment when she spent $50 more on your gift than you did on hers, but it allows people to be creative in their gift selection, generating somewhat of a challenge for those involved. In all reality, it is easy to find nice $50 gifts, but with a $20 limit you will have to think a little harder!

#4- Buy in advance! This will allow you to avoid that tempting holiday cheer, those long lines, and that last minute run to the mall because you forgot about Uncle John. Buying in advance will help you to keep your priorities straight and save money. Throughout the year keep an eye out for end of season sales, promotional events, and discounted prices. Stop at the bargain bin each time you go to the drugstore to look for stalking stuffers. A little here and there can add up to big savings!

#5- Do not be afraid to get creative! Homemade gifts are not cheap, they are thoughtful and creative. With Pintrest at your fingertips there are tons of Christmas gift ideas that do not require you to have the talents of Martha Stewart. Not only can making gifts save you money, they can be a fun way to engage with others and spread the Christmas cheer. Set up a craft night with your kids or friends, turn on the Christmas carols and get out the glue gun. Let’s face it, Grandparents can’t help but smile when they open that ornament made by your 6 year old.