***We are happy to present a series of articles on sexual and intimacy issues, written by our very own therapist Christina Campbell who has an extensive history working in the field of sexology. This series is the result of positive feedback from previous articles, and will cover topics that negatively affect couples. Please know that the content is intended for a mature audience and reader discretion is advised. Should you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact us using the contact page on our website.

In last months article we introduced readers to the concept of erectile dysfunction, its causes and how it affects a relationship. In part 2 we will now look at how to approach the problem of erectile dysfunction and what treatment may be beneficial.

How should you approach the problem?

Being able to talk about is a huge and first step. “Opening the lines of communication is paramount in resolving ED”, says Marian Dunn, PhD, “ED is not initially easy to talk about. But not talking about it can seriously damage a relationship.”

Sandy has been in a relationship for 11 months with a man who suffers from ED. “We’ve worked hard on handling it,” she says, “and we talk about it all the time, which really helps.” In addition to encouraging her partner to see his doctor for a physical exam, Sandy says that being able to talk about the situation has actually brought the two closer together.

Dr. Janice Lipsky says that “Women don’t need to take responsibility for their partner’s ED, but many women can and do play a critical role in supporting men to seek treatment.”

Is there anything to learn during treatment? Is treatment beneficial or not?

One of the benefits of treatment — be it medical or psychological, or a combination of the two — says Donahey, is that it can educate both partners about ED. It’s important to realize, for example, that just as a woman’s sexual responses may change as she ages, so, too, do a man’s. “A man’s sexual response rate also slows down as he gets older,” Donahey points out, therefore, in his 40s or 50s, he may need more direct stimulation of the penis. On the other side, a woman shouldn’t take this as a sign that her partner finds her unattractive.”

Donahey also suggests that couples expand their definition of what sexuality is so that they can maintain their physical intimacy. “Be more flexible,” she advises. “There’s more to sex than just intercourse … try manual stimulation, oral stimulation, stroking, kissing. These are all a part of an intimate relationship and can lead to an orgasm for both partners.

What can be done about Erectile Dysfunction?
Lots can be done about it. Don’t let yourself get into a hopeless mode. Talk to your doctor about the problem.

The first thing your doctor will do is to make sure you’re getting the right treatment for any health problems that could be causing or worsening your erectile dysfunction.

A variety of options exist for treating erectile dysfunction. Your doctor can explain the risks and benefits of each treatment and will consider your preferences. Your partner’s preferences also may play a role in treatment choices.

How can Sex Therapy help?

Talking with a counsellor skilled in ways to optimize sexual function is a proven erectile dysfunction treatment on its own. It can also maximize the results of other types of erectile dysfunction treatment — and ease concerns associated with erectile dysfunction

Sex therapy focuses on promoting effective communication about sex and learning techniques to improve sexual function among couples, which can ease stress and improve erectile function.

Although one-on-one counseling for erectile dysfunction can help, sex therapy usually works best when the client’s partner attends counselling sessions too.

The good news for many men is that ED can be prevented or treated, safely and effectively. If you have ED, there is hope and there is help. Talk to your health provider and a sex therapist.

By: Shannon Ryan

Sourced from: http://www.frugalrules.com/gift-financial-literacy/

When I was thirteen, my father started giving me money lessons. He didn’t focus on how it worked, but instead helped me develop a good relationship with money. He taught me how our emotions drive our spending, so if I wasn’t careful my emotions, be it anger, fear, frustration or even happiness could leave me with an empty pocketbook and no money for the things that truly mattered to me. His lessons changed how I viewed money and ultimately led me to became a Certified Financial Planner, so that I could help others build a positive relationship with their money. Financial literacy is my passion and I love what I do, but there are some troubling trends that concern me. We live in amazing times, yet our financial literacy continues to erode year-after-year.

• 61% of adults surveyed in the National Financial Capability Study received a failing grade in 2012 versus 58% in 2009 according to CNBC.

I look at my daughters and their friends who want to conquer the world, but I know without a strong grasp of finances, the world might conquer them instead. There is great debate around who is responsible for teaching children about money. Some say parents; some say schools. I say both. Parents are ultimately the best teacher, but so many are unaware they even need to talk to their kids about money or are too embarrassed by their own lack of financial knowledge. Even if kids start learning about personal finance in school, parents are not off the hook. Our kids are always observing us, including how we handle money. Some parents are unintentionally passing along poor money habits and beliefs to their kids. This leads some to wonder who we should educate first: parents or kids? It’s a little bit like the chicken or egg debate—does it really matter who came first? Let’s educate both. What I don’t want is another generation of kids to grow up financially illiterate while we wait for their parents to get educated. This cycle stops now. There is no reason why parents and children cannot learn about money together. In our family, we refer to our money as family money and often give the girls a voice in how we use it. This is something I strongly encourage you to do as well and suggest you start by setting family save, spend and share goals.

Save Family Money for What Matters Most

You can decide together or beforehand, but just make sure the goal is something the family will be excited to achieve and is obtainable. For us, this is often our family vacation. We announce our plans over a favorite meal, and then we talk about it, often.

Success Tip: This also becomes your answer when your kids get the “I wants”. Instead of saying “no,” remind them of the family save goal. For example, “I like that doll too. It’s really nice! But remember, we’re saving our money for our big trip to Disneyland, which is so important to me. Is it important to you too? Good. That’s why I’m choosing to use our family money to go to Disneyland with you over the toy. What ride should we go on first?” Essentially you’re eliminating any feelings of deprivation by refocusing their attention on the family goal.

Spend Family Money and Make Conscious Decisions

Here is where you really have a chance to flex those decision-making muscles as a family. Every day we spend money and sometimes without much thought. The real trick to handling money is making conscious decisions that honor your values and goals. One way we demonstrate this is through our entertainment budget. I give the girls various options, with one choice using the entire budget and others of varying cost. To my surprise, they often choose the more inexpensive options, so they can do more things. But best of all—they understand that afterwards the money is gone and they don’t beg me or their Dad to spend money on other things.

Success Tip: Create a grocery challenge with the goal to lower your monthly bills and use the extra money for a fun family day (unless the money is better served going towards debt repayment). Have them help you plan meals and search for coupons and sales.

Share Family Money to Enrich Lives

At a recent event, I asked a group of children how their family shared their money. Absolute silence. Now, I know for a fact their parents are philanthropic, but clearly their kids were unaware of how their parents were sharing their time and money. Our girls are very aware of the various organizations we support and when appropriate, they help out too. I want my daughters to not view sharing as something they ought to do, but something they LOVE to do. At first there was a little trepidation on their part, but I’m proud to say that today they are eager to share their money (and even their toys and clothes) with others.

Success Tip: If your kids are new to sharing, I would start with something tangible, rather than sending a check. Buy groceries together and deliver them to your local food shelf. See if they can even restock the shelves with the groceries you bought.

Wait … There’s Just One More Thing You Need to Do to Assess Your Financial Literacy

This should all seem easy and fun. And truthfully, learning about money is fun because you are ultimately figuring out the things that matter most to you and spending your money on those things, rather than keeping up with the Joneses and buying things you care little about. However, there is one caveat. Before you leap into the fun part—dreaming about how you will use your money—you need to know how strong your financial foundation is to ensure it can withstand your goals and dreams. To get you started, I’ve included a Wellness Checklist to help put your financial house in order. As parents, one of the most loving acts we can give our children is the gift of financial literacy. The ability to make smart money decisions will help them create the life they want and support their long-term financial well-being. They will now have the tools to truly conquer the world.

Shannon’s Bio: Shannon Ryan, CFP® is a Mom on a mission to help busy parents teach their children simple, value-based principles that guide their money decisions and support their long-term financial well-being. Visit http://theheavypurse.com/to learn more on how to raise Money Smart Kids.

ISLANDERS TO RECEIVE BETTER PROTECTION UNDER AMMENDED COLLECTION AGENCIES ACT

Family Service PEI Supportive of Changes

Family Service PEI is very supportive of the Prince Edward Island Government‘s amendments to the Collection Agencies Act. These amendments were developed after consultation with industry stakeholders and the public and will limit the allowable actions of debt settlement companies, including clear guidelines on the types of fees permitted and the requirement for written contracts that are shared and agreed to by all involved parties to be in place prior to the exchange of funds of any type.

“We have seen many Island families who have worked with these Agencies. The results they received, though costly, were often less than expected and in some cases non existent. This new legislation will help to change that,” says Denise Lockhart, Executive Director of Family Service PEI.

The Government of PEI has taken its duty to protect Islanders to heart; the changes to legislation means that vulnerable debt holders will be less likely to be taken advantage of as they face the challenges associated with taking control of their finances and reducing their level of debt.

With the implementation of the new legislation comes the need for Islanders to play their part in ensuring agencies abide by the regulations. “The legislation is only effective if people come forward and report the ill practice of these Agencies. The public needs to be actively involved and notify Consumer Services, their bank, Family Service PEI or a trusted source whenever they pay for a debt reduction service that achieves anything less than the anticipated result,” says Lockhart.

When looking for options to reduce debt levels Lockhart suggests that people use local community based organizations that have a physical presence. “It is always best when you can walk into an office, sit down with the professional and talk face to face. This will help ensure you receive quality service.”

Family Service PEI is a not-for-profit agency providing free Credit Counselling to all Islanders, helping people to examine all options for decreasing debt, including an analysis of lifestyle and spending habits in order to help people understand the warning signs that a financial crisis may be looming. Additionally, Family Service PEI provides affordable and effective Therapeutic Counselling services to Islanders as financial stress impacts many other areas of a person’s life.

***We are happy to present a series of articles on sexual and intimacy issues, written by our very own therapist Christina Campbell who has an extensive history working in the field of sexology. This series is the result of positive feedback from previous articles, and will cover topics that negatively affect couples. Please know that the content is intended for a mature audience and reader discretion is advised. Should you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact us using the contact page on our website.

Erectile Dysfunction and Your Relationship- Part 1

What Is Erectile Dysfunction (ED)?

Erectile dysfunction is the inability to attain or maintain an erection adequate for the sexual satisfaction of both partners. It can be troubling, even devastating, not only to a man but to the partner as well.

At one time, doctors tended to blame ED on psychological problems or with the normal aging process in older men. Today, urologists say physical factors underlie perhaps 90% of cases of persistent erectile dysfunction in men older than 50.

According to the Massachusetts Male Aging Study on sexual dysfunction, the problem can first emerge in a man as early as 40.

How does Erectile Dysfunction affect the relationship?

When a man has ED, it may affect and/or change his relationship with himself and his partner. The man may be embarrassed and even feel guilty, making it difficult to talk to his partner about this issue. ED has a direct impact on how it affects a man’s life, marriage and partner.

This can have an effect on issues of trust, intimacy, and closeness. The man may withdraw emotionally and physically because of fear of failure. As a result, the partner may start to believe that the man is losing interest, thereby impacting self-esteem and feelings of attractiveness.

When a man cannot perform intercourse and satisfy his own and his partner’s sexual needs, he can feel devastated and very much alone. From this cascade of events, the couple starts to alienate themselves emotionally and physically (Roy & Allen, 2004).

Though ED may indeed be common, it’s still stressful, and in a study conducted by Pfizer, research showed that most women, where their quality of life is concerned, rank ED higher in importance than menopausal symptoms, infertility, allergies, obesity, and insomnia.

In a series of focus groups, Pfizer researchers found that when faced with ED, women – and their partners – either acknowledged that they had a problem or denied the existence of a problem. “While this may be intuitive, our research showed that there are differences in how women acknowledge the problem and how they deny the problem,” says Janice Lipsky, PhD, senior marketing manager for the sexual health team at Pfizer.

How couples approached the problem?

Some couples are what Lipsky calls overcomers, with a strong desire to resolve ED. Others are re-signers, they admit there is a problem but decide not to seek treatment to resolve it.

Then there are avoiders, couples who refuse to admit and discuss ED, and, finally, alienators, partners who feel so angry that they not only withdraw from their relationship, but may even demean their partner or seek intimacy elsewhere.

Many couples are reluctant to even begin any kind of physical contact for fear of further disappointment.

For a partner who wants to help their significant other — as most do, says Donahey — understanding why ED occurs can help ease their concerns as well as allow them to help their partner confront the problem, something many men are hesitant to do.

In part 2- How you should approach the problem and treatment options.