By Gail Vaz Oxlade
Sourced from: http://gailvazoxlade.com/blog/archives/4451
One of the premises of my new TV show (I’m told it’s airing on Slice on April 18 at 11:00 p.m.) is that people just won’t talk about their money. Even when they’re getting married. Even when they’ve BEEN married. Even when it might make all the difference to their relationship with their sibs, their parents, their kids. Is money such a defining thing in our lives that we’re hesitant because of what we think our money will say about us?
When I was making $6,500 a year as a secretary, I didn’t define myself by the amount of money that I made. When I was making $150,000 as a training consultant, the money didn’t mean I was substantially smarter. And when my income dropped away as I prioritized kids over career, the money I was making didn’t say much about who I was as a person.
Some people are quite open about their money. But there are loads of people who think that their incomes say something about who they are. Or the folks who don’t want to get into a discussion that might result in them having to change something they’re doing. Or the people who just point-blank refuse to think about money at all.
It goes without saying that on a website devoted to money, the audience is self-selecting. I was pleased to see that the people who visit this site are very often open-minded and willing to talk about money.
When I asked peeps to tell me if they find it easy to talk to their partners about money, of the 702 people who responded to the poll, 37% said they found it very easy, and that they were of like minds. Forty-three percent said they sometimes disagree with their partners, while the remaining 20% refuse to talk about money.
Hey, even if you disagree, as long as you’re talking about the money you’re headed in the right direction. And as for those who are completely on the same page, you’ve eliminated a huge bone of contention by choosing a partner with a similar agenda. The 20% who just can’t get into the discussion are going to have a long road to walk.
This is the same 20% that fight about money all the time based on the poll that asked how often partners fight over money. What a horrible way to live? And if you can’t come to terms, what will it take to keep you working together as a couple when the caca hits the fan? Or are you just hanging on for dear life because you can’t imagine letting go?
You don’t have to be two peas in a pod when it comes to your spending and savings habits to make the money work. In fact, when I asked, “Do you and your partner have the same spending/saving habits?” only 22% said they were very alike. Other than the 10% who fight like cats and dogs, the rest acknowledge their differences and either those difference don’t cause a problem (44%), or they’ve found ways to cope (24%).
For all the folks that still can’t find a way to have a civilized money conversation with their mate at least once a week, you have my sympathies. It’s a tough road you’re walking. No doubt there will be stumbles along the way. I hope you’re both strong enough to make it through.