By: Family Service PEI
Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. Social expectations on festive occasions are that everyone feel joy and delight. This can increase stress and pressure to conform and live up to these expectations.
Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).
Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many. When family and friends get together, consider taking the time to celebrate the life of a person who has died. Tell stories, share pictures and videos, laugh together.
Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.
In research on the topic of loss (and traumatic loss) Dr. John R. Jordon has found that formal and informal supports are most important for those grieving a loss. He further suggest that our relationship to our lost loved ones does not end with death, rather, it transforms itself into a different type of relationship over time. This echoes the notion that our loved ones are always with us and go on through us.
The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.