***We are happy to present a series of articles on sexual and intimacy issues, written by our very own therapist Christina Campbell who has an extensive history working in the field of sexology. This series is the result of positive feedback from previous articles, and will cover topics that negatively affect couples. Please know that the content is intended for a mature audience and reader discretion is advised. Should you have any questions or concerns please feel free to contact us using the contact page on our website.
Erectile Dysfunction and Your Relationship- Part 1
What Is Erectile Dysfunction (ED)?
Erectile dysfunction is the inability to attain or maintain an erection adequate for the sexual satisfaction of both partners. It can be troubling, even devastating, not only to a man but to the partner as well.
At one time, doctors tended to blame ED on psychological problems or with the normal aging process in older men. Today, urologists say physical factors underlie perhaps 90% of cases of persistent erectile dysfunction in men older than 50.
According to the Massachusetts Male Aging Study on sexual dysfunction, the problem can first emerge in a man as early as 40.
How does Erectile Dysfunction affect the relationship?
When a man has ED, it may affect and/or change his relationship with himself and his partner. The man may be embarrassed and even feel guilty, making it difficult to talk to his partner about this issue. ED has a direct impact on how it affects a man’s life, marriage and partner.
This can have an effect on issues of trust, intimacy, and closeness. The man may withdraw emotionally and physically because of fear of failure. As a result, the partner may start to believe that the man is losing interest, thereby impacting self-esteem and feelings of attractiveness.
When a man cannot perform intercourse and satisfy his own and his partner’s sexual needs, he can feel devastated and very much alone. From this cascade of events, the couple starts to alienate themselves emotionally and physically (Roy & Allen, 2004).
Though ED may indeed be common, it’s still stressful, and in a study conducted by Pfizer, research showed that most women, where their quality of life is concerned, rank ED higher in importance than menopausal symptoms, infertility, allergies, obesity, and insomnia.
In a series of focus groups, Pfizer researchers found that when faced with ED, women – and their partners – either acknowledged that they had a problem or denied the existence of a problem. “While this may be intuitive, our research showed that there are differences in how women acknowledge the problem and how they deny the problem,” says Janice Lipsky, PhD, senior marketing manager for the sexual health team at Pfizer.
How couples approached the problem?
Some couples are what Lipsky calls overcomers, with a strong desire to resolve ED. Others are re-signers, they admit there is a problem but decide not to seek treatment to resolve it.
Then there are avoiders, couples who refuse to admit and discuss ED, and, finally, alienators, partners who feel so angry that they not only withdraw from their relationship, but may even demean their partner or seek intimacy elsewhere.
Many couples are reluctant to even begin any kind of physical contact for fear of further disappointment.
For a partner who wants to help their significant other — as most do, says Donahey — understanding why ED occurs can help ease their concerns as well as allow them to help their partner confront the problem, something many men are hesitant to do.
In part 2- How you should approach the problem and treatment options.