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Goals Are a Relationship Necessity – Here Are 10 Tools to Help

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Published on October 5, 2010 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D. in Emotional Fitness

Setting Goals as a Couple

I believe that happiness comes from moving toward what you want, not necessarily getting it. What this means to you is that in order to be happy, couples need to have goals that they are moving toward. How can couples motivate and support each other to achieve individual and relationship goals? Here are ten steps that will enable you, and your partnership to create and reach your goals and keep your connection as a couple strong.

1. First, you must ensure that the individual and couple goals are in alignment. This alignment is critical for creating harmony and allowing you both to reach your dreams. Once that alignment is secure there is no limit to how much you can accomplish together

2. Talk about where you want to be and what you want to do in the next six months to two years. Next discuss, imagine and contemplate where you want your lives to be in five, ten and twenty years. Keep it positive and don’t poo-poo any ideas until you’ve had the chance to get them on

3. Make sure that the goals both of you strive for make you feel good about yourselves. You can’t achieve something that goes against your values. Sharing how your goals as a couple can benefit others as well as yourselves is a powerful and bonding experience.

4. Make sure your goals are specific, attainable and realistic. I believe in the old saying that, “If you shoot for the stars, maybe you’ll hit the moon,” but it makes more sense to keep the majority of your goals a little more earthbound.

5. Celebrate (and enjoy it) when you reach milestones, dreams or goals, and agree upon a reward system to help keep you motivated. For example, each time you accomplish a step toward your goals talk about how you feel about each other and how far you have come in your relationship, and then go out to dinner.

6. Create and arrangement that helps both of you stay accountable to the commitments you have made to each other. This is a sacred bond, it’s not a matter of reward or punishment, it’s an arrangement that helps support both of you as well as your relationship.

7. Give each other the room to achieve your desires by allowing (even supporting) your partner to experiment. As long as you agree to proceed with honor and dignity, you can be as creative as you like. Great ideas come from all kinds of places, you never know when something “off the wall” will open doors.

8. Agree with each other to seek and accept feedback. No one has all the answers so create a support structure to help you attain your desires. Couples whose relationship are supported by friends and family reach their goals and have happier relationships.

9. Write down and review your goals, and if you’re comfortable, post them somewhere where you can see them everyday. In a study done at Yale University, they found that people who wrote down their goals achieved them 97% more often than those who did not.

10. Remember that everything you do together has more than twice as much power as what you do alone. Creating goals as a couple or a family is not only healthy for your relationship, but should be fun as well.

Be sure to replace your accomplished dreams and goals with new ones. It really is a secret to happiness.

Creating goals as a couple is one of the most powerful and connecting things you can do. Have fun with it and see where it takes you, there is nothing better than sharing your success with someone you love.

Sourced from: http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-fitness/201010/goals-are-relationship-necessity-here-are-10-tools-help

Family Service PEI Welcomes New Employee

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Family Service P.E.I is happy to welcome Ellan Dickieson to our team. Ellan assumes the new role of Education and Outreach Specialist located in the Summerside office.

 

Ellan holds a Master of Social Work from the University of Toronto and has experience in the government sector, as well as the not-for-profit sector. Most recently Ellan has spent time in Botswana, Africa where she was working with local non-governmental organizations to implement behaviour change programs.

 

Ellan will be working hard to increase our public profile and community partnerships. She will be available to provide educational presentations and workshops to the general public on our two main service areas, therapeutic counseling and credit counseling. We are excited to have Ellan on board!

 

 

New Part Time employment opportunity:

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Therapeutic Counsellor
Temporary Part Time Position
(7.5 hours per week + flex time dependent on demand for service)
Charlottetown, PEI

Family Service PEI, an Island-based, non-profit family service agency, is recruiting an enthusiastic, experienced professional to further develop our therapeutic counselling services from our Charlottetown office. This position is split into 2 different set of duties with differing hours required of the therapist:

#1: For a scheduled 7.5 hours per week during regular daytime office hours duties include; but are not limited to:

• Development and implementation of group work;
• Networking to promote therapeutic services available through FSPEI
• Collaborating with other services, programs and the community to enhance and improve community- based services for Islanders,
• Providing information and education to clients and groups in the community related to relationships, family life and healthy human development,
• Advocating on behalf of clients with other agencies, systems and service providers,
• Undertaking other related duties as required.

#2: Based on the scheduling needs of clients who cannot attend sessions during currently available appointment times, and/or an increased demand for service stemming from the implementation of #1 above – the therapist will work ‘flex hours’ completing the following duties:

• Provision of professional therapeutic counselling services to children, adults, couples and families utilizing a variety of client-centered treatment models,
• Provision of screening, clinical assessment, case planning, case coordination, direct service, consultation, evaluation and referral services to clients,
• Prioritizing and effectively managing caseload expectations,
• Utilizing various computer programs to conduct daily work tasks,
• Maintaining appropriate client records and other related files and performing other case-related administrative tasks in a comprehensive, up-to-date manner,

Qualifications:
Master’s Degree in Social Work (minimum) or equivalent, with current and ongoing registration with a regulating body,
– professional social work experience including counselling experience,a valid driver’s license and access to a reliable vehicle,
– a good work and attendance record,
– current and ongoing acceptable criminal record checks
The successful applicant must be willing to sign a conflict of interest agreement prohibiting the provision of competing services outside their hours of work with FSPEI.

No phone calls please. Any inquires regarding the position may be sent via email to the address below.
Please submit your resume and letter of application by 4:30 PM November 2, 2012 to:

Family Service PEI, 106 – 155 Belvedere Ave; Charlottetown, PE, C1A 2Y9 Fax: 902-892-4998, Email: director@familyservice.pe.ca.

We thank all applicants for their interest; however, only those under consideration will be contacted.

Measuring Success

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If you feel that establishing a goal is a commitment that has a fifty-fifty chance between failure and success, you are not alone. Many individuals avoid setting goals in order to also avoid potential disappointment. A life without aspirations, however, can lead to feelings of insecurity and purposelessness. It’s important not to let fear of failure prevent you from going after a desire. After all, the definition of failure varies from person to person. When something doesn’t go exactly as planned, that doesn’t mean it has failed. Life is full of unpredictable circumstances that we can do nothing but adapt to.

Failure, however, is a vital component of success, which is even more difficult to define. Typically, corporate icons are observed and perceived as “successful”. That begs the question: successful at what? Though they’ve made many accomplishments, society tends to fixate on wealth when the word “success” is brought into question Depending on your values, you may illustrate the image of success quite differently. Goals are about seeking success, so if you know what success means to you, it will be easier for you to reach them.

When you first set a goal, you often have a clear vision of success in your mind. It’s quite common to end up in a place you hadn’t anticipated, but when that happens, how do you measure success? You may have wanted to hold a pleasant gathering with family or friends and only a few could attend, you may have achieved a goal far beyond your deadline, or you may have set out with a thorough plan to rise in a certain career only to find an occupation that you enjoy more along the way. If you’re wondering whether or not you have still achieved success, the answer is simple across all situations: as long as you are satisfied, you are successful. You should never aim for somebody else’s definition of success as your own will always prove to be more satisfactory.

Even if you don’t feel satisfied in the end, the outcome isn’t always in your control. When it comes down to the thin of things, simply having put forth the effort is a success.

The Benefits of Routine

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Each life contains at least one repeated rhythm. For adults, most of these occur at work, where a routine can be anything from taking lunch at the same time to performing an entire list of tasks before going home. For parents, the idea of personal routine is often left at work and from the moment they arrive home, it shifts to revolve around their children. This is a noble sacrifice as routines are especially beneficial to youth. 

Kids display a fear of the unknown that can prove to be rather intense. They frequently refuse to try new foods and may panic at the slightest notion of change. The truth is that a young body is constantly growing and changing. In what seems like the blink of an eye, an infant learns to speak and is potty-trained. They abandon their bottles and pacifiers and are faced with the prospect of “growing up” everyday. Establishing routines where everything remains the same can provide kids with a sense of security. 

It is rather common for children to have set bedtimes and mealtimes, however, adults often sleep and eat at irregular times. Though we tend to lose touch with them as we grow older, routines will never lose their importance. That sense of security is just as important to mature bodies as it is to younger ones. Life may be too hectic to accommodate a detailed schedule, but even small amounts of loose planning can spark big changes. For example, when your body is programmed to rest and rise at certain hours, you develop a healthier sleep cycle and may find yourself requiring less caffeine in the mornings. Also, if you can train yourself to take your meals at roughly the same time each day, you can also regulate how much you eat, resulting in less snacking throughout the day.

 Finally, you may be able to incorporate routines into your common errands. Dedicating a specific day every week to go to the grocery store, for instance, may not only save you from running out of items you need; it could also save you time that you would normally take out of other shopping trips in order to restock your kitchen. When order is added to average tasks, it can provide stability, which plays a key role in lowering stress.  

Back-to-School Shopping

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It seems as though everyone tackles back-to-school shopping differently. No matter how it is gone about, the experience is often dreaded. Whether you’ve spent more than you intended in the past years or ended up scrambling for one item at the last minute, you probably have a bad memory to associate with the event. Here are some tips that should help you improve your overall back-to-school shopping experience and lead you in the direction of a better outcome.

If you have a list of school supplies that your child will need throughout the year, it is a good idea to keep a copy in your vehicle at all times in case you are able to pick up a few extra things while running errands. Before you do go out shopping, however, consider shopping at home first. Can last year’s backpacks be reused? What about lunch boxes? Maybe you have a ruler or a protractor sitting in your junk drawer. If your child has an older sibling, perhaps their old supplies can be traded down. The number of utilities you can obtain for free may surprise you!

When bringing the kids along on a back-to-school shopping trip, it’s easy for them to become fixated on getting the more expensive, trend-oriented gear. A good method of dodging conflict in this situation is to establish individual budgets for each child before going out. If dealing with a younger child, you could even make a game out of it!

When a firm budget is in place, a child will be less likely to beg for extra merchandise. If they do become absorbed in a brand-name item or anything else that sends them over their limit, you can refer to the budget and give them the opportunity to exchange other objects in order to make room for their purchase. If you’re having the same difficulty with a teenager, try asking them to pay for extra expenses. Having a budget will teach your young ones how to manage money and set priorities.

Be on the lookout for deals and experiment with shopping at office depots. The majority of back-to-school sales take place in August and they carry great deals. That having been said, sometimes quality counts more than price. Though brand-name crayons may cost more than the ones on sale, they may also break less frequently, saving you money in the long run. Look back on the previous years and see if you can recall any other items that this philosophy may apply to.

Another great way to save money is to bulk up on the basics. Your kids will always need pencils, pens, paper, and similar essentials in school, so if you spy a great deal on them, don’t just buy in accordance to the quantity recommended by the supplies list; stock up! Save for next year! If your high school student will need special items for their second semester, buy them in advance while they’re on sale! Keep all these bulk items in a cabinet and distribute them as needed. Allowing your child to store them in their desk or locker until they’re needed may result in their being lost or given away.

For great tips on how to get the most out of your dollar year-round, we encourage you to visit mymoneycoach.ca

Children and Back-to-School Stress

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As you begin to reintroduce the prospect of school to your household, you may be expecting to get a general lack of enthusiasm in response. For some children, however, the thought of returning to the classroom goes far beyond disinclination. In fact, it can cause a great deal of discomfort, or even anxiety. If you’re concerned about your child’s attitude toward upcoming school year, the following article provides excellent advice on how to deal with their stress.

http://www.bcliving.ca/health/children-and-back-to-school-stress

Back to School Planning

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As the excitement of this sunny season carries on, you may be a bit hesitant to entertain the thought of your children returning to school. Starting your school preparations in July doesn’t mean you have to give up on the lovely break we introduced you to in June. The key to staying relaxed as you plan is balance. It’s a good idea to start off small, taking modest amounts of time out of your day to assess your situation and form the basis of your back to school to-do list. By setting aside these small time windows for thought, you can refrain from trying to accomplish everything at once while keeping any reluctance you may have at bay.

As you make this list, reflect on the past school year. Think about the things that went well and the things that went not so well. Where possible, develop plans to avoid repeating the trouble areas. If you will require childcare come autumn, it would be wise to settle an approach to this early on. Organize and prioritize a mental agenda of tasks that must be completed before September and begin working on them, but remember to do so at a healthy pace. The summer activities you hope to enjoy should not be interrupted for the sake of early preparation.

As the weeks go by, you may want to schedule a visit to your child’s new school or seek information about their teacher. If you sense your child has mixed feelings toward the upcoming school year, allowing them to spend time with a future classmate may ease their mind. Talking to other parents about their back to school plans may aid you as you make your own. Be sure to check your child’s closet and take inventory of what they already own before you buy new clothing. While school supplies don’t normally go on sale until August, winter coats will be especially cheap around this time of year.

Finally, don’t forget do an early roundup of all the supplies or other school utilities that you’ve stored away for the summer. It would be quite an unpleasant surprise not to be able to find them at the last minute!

Annual AGM – June 20th

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The Board of Directors of
Family Service PEI

Cordially invite you to attend their
2012 Annual General Meeting

FEATURING A SPECIAL PRESENTATION ON THE IMPACT OF LANGUAGE

To be held at 6pm
Wednesday 20 June 2012
at the
Confederation Centre of the Arts, Boardroom
145 Richmond Street, Charlottetown PE, C1A 1J1
Light refreshments will be served.
For catering purposes please

RSVP: Sandra Henderson by 18 June 2012
Phone: 902-436-9171 or 1-866-892-2441
Or email: sandra.henderson@familyservice.pe.ca

Please Join Us for an Open House!

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Family Service PEI cordially invites you and a guest to take a tour of our new head office location in Charlottetown.

Please join us on Monday, June 25th as we celebrate our office move. Grab a friend or colleague and come on down for some light munchies and refreshments. Spread the word and drop in anytime between 9 AM and 3 PM.

We Look forward to seeing you there!

 ease Join Us for an Open House!

When: Monday, June 25th

Time: 9:00 AM – 3:00 PM

Where: 155 Belvedere Avenue, Charlottetown

Light refreshments will be served.