Category Archives: Family Life

Tips For Investing In A Healthy Relationship

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By: Christina Campbell, Family Service PEI

99Everyone’s relationship is unique, and people come together for many different reasons. A strong, healthy relationship can be one of the best supports in your life. Most of us have to work consciously to master the skills necessary to make our relationship flourish.

There are some things that good relationships have in common. Knowing the basic principles of healthy relationships helps keep them meaningful, fulfilling and exciting in both happy times and sad:

  • Staying involved with each other. Some couples are not truly related or emotionally connected, but manage to work together. Therefore, while it may seem stable on the surface, lack of involvement and communication increases distance. When you need to talk about something important, the connection and understanding may no longer be there.
  • Getting through conflict. The key in a strong relationship is not to be fearful of conflict. You need to be safe to express things that bother you without fear of retaliation, and be able to resolve conflict without humiliation, or insisting on being right.
  • Keeping outside relationships and interests alive. No one person can meet all of our needs, and expecting too much from someone can put a lot of unhealthy pressure on a relationship. Having friends and outside interests not only strengthens your social network, but brings new insights and stimulation to the relationship.
  • Communicating. Good communication is a fundamental part of a healthy relationship. Honest, direct communication is a key part of any relationship. When both people feel comfortable expressing their needs, fears, and desires, trust and bonds are strengthened. Non verbal cues—body language like eye contact, leaning forward or away, or touching someone’s arm—are critical to communication.
  • Mutual respect. Respect in a relationship means that each person values who the other is and understands — and would never challenge — the other person’s boundaries.
  • Keep physical intimacy alive. While touch is a key part of a healthy relationship, it’s important to take some time to find out what your partner really likes. Unwanted touching or inappropriate overtures can make the other person tense up and retreat—exactly what you don’t want
  • Spend quality time together. It’s critical for your relationship to make time for yourselves. If you don’t have quality time, communication and understanding start to erode. Keeping a sense of humor can actually help you get through tough times, reduce stress, and helps you work through issues more easily.
  • Healthy relationships are built on give and take. It takes work on each person’s part to make sure that there is a reasonable exchange and compromise.
  • Respectfully resolve conflict. Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but to keep a relationship strong, both people need to feel they’ve been heard. The goal is not to win but to resolve the matter with respect and love.
  • Expect ups and downs. It’s also important to recognize that there are ups and downs in every relationship. You won’t always be on the same page. Different people cope with stress differently, and misunderstanding can rapidly turn to frustration and anger.

A healthy relationship requires more than some give and take, and it is absolutely within your reach if you and your partner are willing to do a bit of work. If you and your partner have decided that you want to live together and that you are right for each other, all the work will definitely be worth it in the long run.

How Do I Budget And Save For A Vacation?

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By: GetSmarterAboutMoney

CORBIS1-00030810-001Saving just $20 a week can add up over a year to a nice vacation fund.

Three tips to create your vacation budget

Many people pay for vacations using a credit card. But if you don’t pay off those bills quickly, you’ll end up paying a lot more for your fun. A trip that might cost $1,000 at the start could end up costing you a whole lot more if you add on interest charges. You could end up paying the cost of two trips but only get to enjoy one!

Here are three tips to help you save and plan ahead:

Save money throughout the year. If you have a monthly budget – and hopefully you do – you can set a target savings goal. That way you’ll have a really good idea of how much you can afford to spend when it’s time to book your vacation.

As you start to dream about your vacation, set up a budget. Make categories for each of the different costs you’ll have to pay. This includes travel, accommodation, food and entertainment. Estimate the amount you’ll spend on each.

Now go over your vacation budget and look for ways to trim costs. For example, you may be able to save on airfare and hotels if you book early. But sometimes the best deals are available last minute. Also look for ways to reduce the cost of your accommodation. This includes rentals and timeshares. Learn more now about cost-saving ideas when you travel.

A word of caution: be wary of special offers that come to you from a person or company you don’t know. Or, where there is a lot of pressure on you to decide on the spot – without time for proper research. It could be a vacation scam. Learn more now about how to spot a vacation scam.

Remember: Don’t use your credit card to pay for your vacation – unless you know you have the money to pay it off. If you don’t save up the cash before the trip, how likely are you to save it after?

Sourced from: http://www.getsmarteraboutmoney.ca/en/managing-your-money/planning/budgeting/Pages/how-do-I-budget-and-save-for-a-vacation.aspx#.U5B8qBaWt94

Holiday Family Travel Insurance: Why Everyone Should Be Covered

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By: ParentsCanada  

FANCY-00044406-001The holidays are one of the busiest travel periods of the year. Though you may be dreaming of a relaxing getaway, planning a family vacation during this time can easily turn stressful if you’re not prepared. From coordinating tickets and packing lists to airplane boredom blockers, one necessary item that shouldn’t be overlooked is travel insurance. Whether you and your family are traveling within Canada to visit the extended family or taking a trip overseas for an annual vacation, different types of trips require different types of coverage.
RSA, Canada’s leading travel insurance provider has a wide variety of affordable travel insurance packages for any type of trip as well as some tips for Canadian families before departing on their holiday trip.
Make health and safety your priorityTravelling families should always put their health and wellbeing first. Vacations are a break from routine but not from sensible practices. Whether travelling by air or car, you should:

  • Confirm well in advance if any inoculations or medications are needed before visiting the destination
  • Check for government issued travel advisories for the country or region you are planning to visit
  • Carry sufficient prescription medication and allergy treatments for your kids in your carry-on luggage so it’s easily accessible
  • If driving, check weather and road conditions and listen to local advisories
  • Share travel and destination information with loved ones in the event an emergency arises

Have key documents with you at all times

When travelling outside of the country there are key documentations Canadians should not leave without.

  • A valid passport is needed for all travellers, including children and infants, with limited exceptions for children under 16 crossing at land border points
  • Additionally, Canadian children need appropriate documentation to travel abroad when taking a trip alone or with only one parent, such as a consent letter, birth certificate or citizenship card. Check destination requirements before departing.
  • If travelling outside your home province, carry provincial health cards and drivers licenses.

Visit rsagroup.ca to learn more about how you can be prepared to travel with your family.

Sourced from: http://www.parentscanada.com/family-life/holiday-family-travel-insurance-why-everyone-should-be-covered

Family Fun at Avonlea Village

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By: Fighting To Be Frugal

Everyone who seems to come to PEI, comes to see Anne. I have lived here for 15 years and have never gone to anything Anne. It’s so experience. It’s around $65 for a family pass for the day to Avonlea Village. With a CAA card you save an extra 10%. That gave me a little hope to try to rationalize going for a day with our family. After searching around their site that  I found out that your day pass counts for a second day admission so that you are able to enjoy all of the events! 2 days for 1 price. That sounds a little more worth while to me.

However, it’s still a little expensive for us. Well, from September 1-19, the rate gets substantially cheaper! It’s $6 per adult and children under 12 are free. That means instead of $65 for my family it would be $10.80 for my family (remember, the CAA discount, even without it, it’s still only $12 for a family).

Totally worth it to wait until September to be able to enjoy the wonderful village of Avonlea and live life with Anne and Diana for a day.September is the most frugal time to visit PEI if you’re looking to save money on your vacation.What are your favourite attractions on PEI?

Sourced from: http://fightingtobefrugal.blogspot.ca/2011/08/avonlea-village-pei.htmlEnjoy your day!

Have a Kid- Free Vacation (And Leave the Guilt at Home)

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The case for why every couple should take a trip or vacation without their kids.

By: Vivian Vassos

99We love being with our kids. We really do. So much so that every vacation over the past seven years has been with them. We’ve ridden elephants in Thailand, snorkelled in the Cayman Islands and snacked on souvlaki in Greece with our kids, plus yearly jaunts to Florida — and not just to see Mickey Mouse.

Of course, we also take “date nights,” facilitated by my parents, whom I call the Blessed Support Unit (or BSU); grandparents who are eager and able to help out.

It’s usually a once-a-month Saturday night sleepover at the BSU’s for the kids, and dinner and a movie and some take-the-phone-off-the-hook intimacy for us. But a real change of scenery for more than one night, just the two of us? We hadn’t done that since our 10th, yes, 10th wedding anniversary, and now our 17th was looming. Something was definitely missing.

“On a scale of one to 10, getting away for couple time is a 15-plus in importance,” says Marion Goertz, a registered marriage and family therapist in Toronto. “We all have so many roles to play, professionally and personally, that the spontaneous, playful parts of us can get lost and tired.”

“A regular date night is critical for any marriage, but getting away for longer periods is a unique and individual issue without an exact answer,” adds Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and the author of eight books, including the award-winning The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill).

When I caught up with the mother of four, she was fresh off a cruise with her hubby of 25 years, while their kids were safe and sound under grandma’s care. “Couples who find time to connect every day and with a regular date night may get on perfectly fine without a longer trip away. Others find themselves so surrounded by work, children and household tasks that they never seem to feel like a couple any more. Those people would definitely benefit from a short trip alone once or twice a year.” In her book, Kid Cooperation (New Harbinger), Pantley reinforces this. “It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being “Mommy’ and “Daddy.’ You need to spend regular time as “Husband’ and “Wife.”

Okay, so it’s either another date night or try to get away for a longer time. What about the caregiver logistics? Even our BSU has its limitations, and I have quite a few friends who don’t even have that. “Even an overnight away can refresh and rejuvenate your relationship,” says Pantley. “This is often do-able if you are close with another couple who have children. Trading off and tending to each other’s children can be fun for the kids and good for the adults.”

Goertz takes it a step further. “Getting away is like getting a lungful of oxygen at the surface of a teeming river that is our life as parents — sucking up some life-giving respite before we resume the everyday busy-ness of our lives,” she says. “A self-imposed “time out’ can ensure good behaviour in adults. It can keep us going with more energy and creativity and keep us connected with the bigger world in order to refresh our perspectives.” Wow, perhaps that’s what was missing.

We knew that a week during the school year was out of the question, so we needed somewhere we could recharge and feel like we’d been away long enough, but not so long as to completely abuse the BSU? Hubby loves his monthly Texas Hold’em boys’ night out, while I’m a shopaholic, and we both appreciate fine cuisine. Put it together, and we came up with Las Vegas. Four days over a weekend, so the BSU didn’t have to worry too much about school and homework. Perfect.

The next step was telling the kids. “We’re going to Las Vegas,” I announced over dinner one night. My 10-year-old immediately went to pack her bag. “But only Mom and Dad are going,” I explained, feeling guilty already, and trying to figure out what to say next. “Parents can often overcompensate for what they feel guilty about,” says Pantley. “Know in your heart that taking care of your marriage is the most important thing you can do for your children and yourselves. A very simple answer is all that’s needed: “We love you very much and we have fun with you, but sometimes moms and dads like to have a little time alone together.”

When I retold the scenario for Goertz, she laughed. “Do your kids a favour. Love your spouse and let them see it! Talk about mom and dad having special time together and make it happen regularly. This can, in fact, help kids feel safe and warm, even if they giggle or roll their eyes.” Even teenagers, despite their reactions, she adds, take delight in their parents’ overt shows of affection and will more likely choose a relationship like it for themselves when it’s their turn.

New parents, this one’s for you: Goertz recommends beginning at an early age to establish increasing periods of time of separation with qualified caregivers. “Teach them, by your own attitudes and from an early age, to be open to adventure and new experiences,” she says.

“If you find a familiar, loving caregiver to tend your children, they should be fine,” says Pantley. “If you want to add more fun to their “vacation,’ allow them to order pizza, rent a movie or have a candy or treat that is reserved for special times.” For longer trips, she suggests leaving a small gift (such as stickers or plastic toy animals) for each night that you will be away. “This can make bedtime fun instead of the most difficult hour for the child and caregiver.”

Spend some time with the child in the caregiver’s presence, prior to your time away, suggests Goertz, to assess their suitability and to allow you and your child to be soothed by your trust in this person. “And relax and don’t unduly disrupt routines to soothe your own separation anxiety.” Then just go. “There’s a delightful, refreshing silliness that can set in when two responsible adults can eat, sleep, drink and frolic as the spirit moves them,” she notes.

Well, Goertz was right. We were free to do our favourite things and spend some wonderful private moments together, without the day-to-day stress of being parents, and the kids were spoiled rotten by the BSU. Heck, we even considered renewing our vows in the land of cheesy wedding chapels, never mind booking another trip for next year. Viva Las Vegas.

Toronto-based writer/editor Vivian Vassos is planning her next getaway to Vegas—this time with kids. She has already booked a date night with hubby at the MGM Grand, as her brother (BSU#2) now conveniently lives in Sin City.

Long weekend getaways

  • For high rollers: Las Vegas is a quick flight from Vancouver or Calgary, and everything’s within walking distance on the strip, so no worries about indulging in that extra glass of champagne. visitlasvegas.com
  • For cosmopolitan types: Quebec City, Canada’s most romantic spot, is celebrating its 400th anniversary. quebecregion.com. Book into Auberge Saint-Antoine, Travel + Leisure’s pick of one of 2007′s Top 100 Hotels Worldwide. saint-antoine.com
  • For oenophiles: Niagara-on-the-Lake is within driving distance of Toronto, full of historical charm and hotels at all price ranges, and near many of Canada’s top wineries. niagaraonthelake.com
  • For the fly-and-fry types: The Bahamas are easy to get to from central and eastern Canada, and are the Caribbean’s answer for some fun in the sun.bahamas.com
  • For big-city types: New York, is a good place to see and do a lot in a short amount of time, and you can walk, in good weather, just about anywhere. nycvisit.com

Can’t get away?

Here are Marion Goertz’s tips for making the most of a moment

  • It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality Parents with minimal childcare support can perhaps swap babysitting with trusted friends or neighbours to free them up for dinner and a movie.
  • No babysitter? Be creative and find a pocket of peace to meet for breakfast or lunch when the kids are at school, or a few hours at home with a rental, a favourite snack and an adult-type beverage once the kids are in bed.
  • Get kids to bed at a realistic time 10 p.m. is too late for preschool kids and unfair to mom and dad. They are creatures of habit: a bath, a story and lights out! Only then can mom and dad suspend their parenting roles, at least temporarily, as they catch up with each other’s lives and talk about hopes and dreams for now and the future.
  • Enjoy each other Start to work on the life you want to have together after the kids leave home, time to have many more adventures. The chances of it being a good time, and the marriage even lasting that long, increases exponentially the more you stay connected and invested in each other’s lives through the parenting years.

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/parents/relationships/escape-artists/

5 Money Issues Families Never Talk About

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Avoiding sensitive issues can lead to big trouble down the line.

By: By Richard Eisenberg

Sensitive Subjects

Why do we have such a hard time talking with our children about important financial matters affecting the entire family? For some of us, avoiding sensitive discussions, especially about money, is a family tradition. For others, there’s concern that bringing up financial worries will harm our relationships with our children and grandchildren. The following slides focus on five money issues no one likes to talk about, but should, and sooner than later.

Managing Hard Times

Given the ongoing economic slump, there should be no stigma in telling your children that your finances aren’t as secure as they once were. If you’re having trouble handling expenses, don’t expect your kids to figure that out from subtle signs, like saying you’ll take the bus for your next visit, not a plane.

Instead, advises financial planner Jonathan Pond, author of Safe Money in Tough Times (McGraw-Hill), talk frankly about how you’re struggling. If you need some temporary help, and they can afford to lend a hand, ask. It’s better to be open about your financial situation with family than to agonize internally about it, or worse, to keep it a secret until you’re really facing a crisis.

Dividing Your Estate

Financial advisers say it’s generally best to divide your estate equally among your adult children. But if that’s not your plan, talk with your kids about it now to avoid unpleasant surprises later.

Say you have two children, one wealthy and one with a fairly low income. If you know the wealthy child won’t need the inheritance money, but her brother could truly use it, “have a detailed conversation about this with the child who will get the lesser share,” says financial planner Stewart Welch of Birmingham, Ala. If you can’t bring yourself to divide your estate unevenly, “go to the well-off child and say, ‘Your brother needs help, so please watch over him,'” Welch says.

Making Residential Plans

As a group, grandparents are living longer than ever before. That’s why you and your children should talk now about where you’ll want to live if you wind up needing help with daily activities — and how you imagine paying for it.

Families need to have “the dreaded nursing-home talk,” Pond says, “in rational times.” Start the conversation in your 60s or early 70s and be candid with your kids about when you’d want to move. If you wait too long to make decisions and adjust your finances, you may find yourself in a bind when the time comes and neither you nor your kids have the savings to help you make the transition.

Getting Paid for Child Care

Maybe you’ve generously watched your grandkids four or five days a week without pay so their parents can work without having to pay for child care. But if you’re starting to feel some financial pressure, it may be time to talk candidly about getting paid for your efforts. Dick Edwards, author of Mom, Dad … Can We Talk? (Wheatmark), suggests that you collect three bids for local or in-home daycare, “then tell your child that you’ll watch the grandchildren for 50 percent of what they’d have to pay someone else. This puts the kids on notice that you can provide them with child care at a discount, but not for free.”

Getting Scammed

Have you been the victim of a fraud, or think you might be about to become one? You’re hardly alone. Scam artists frequently prey on trusting people; the so-called “grandparent scam” alone has roped in numerous otherwise savvy couples.

If you’ve been cheated, or worry that you may be the victim of identity theft, discuss it with your children and work together to find out if and how badly you’ve been taken, and what action, if any, you can take. “Your child is the best second opinion you can get if you are skeptical of something that someone is trying to sell you, or if you feel you are the victim of a scam,” Pond says.

 

Sourced from: http://www.grandparents.com/money-and-work/family-finance/5-family-money-issues-in-relationships

The ABCs of RESPs

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210From: Canadian Living Magazine

Holding your newborn, you gaze lovingly into his eyes and imagine all the things he may one day become. Will he be an architect, an artist, a chef? Then it hits you — how on earth are you going to pay for all his schooling?

When your little one is ready to graduate high school, the projected cost of pursuing a four-year post-secondary education in Canada will be upwards of $55,000, depending where you live (including tuition, fees and books), and a mind-boggling $90,000 or more if junior decides to go away to school. Add in a specialized degree and the costs go up, way up, from there.

So what’s a parent to do? In a word, plan.

Be informed

Patricia Trott, manager, investor communications, with the Ontario Securities Commission (OSC), urges parents to do their homework before opening a Registered Education Savings Plan (RESP) by investigating what kind of plan they want, deciding who is the best provider of that plan and paying careful attention to the fees, limitations and terms involved.

“You want to make sure you understand all the issues, such as can you transfer the plan? What happens if your child doesn’t enrol in post-secondary education?” says Trott. “It’s very important to do your research.”

RESPs

The current darling of saving plans, an RESP allows contributors to sock away as much as they can annually for a lifetime contribution of $50,000 per child (the limit was raised earlier this year from $42,000), non-deductible. The funds grow tax-free until withdrawn (an RESP can stay open for up to 26 years), and the grant and growth portion of the education payments are then taxed to the student who is enrolled full- or part-time in a “qualifying education program.” Luckily, most students typically have little other income, so they’ll pay minimal tax on the money coming their way.

Look at the options

RESPs are available through banks and trust companies, credit unions, investment dealers, mutual fund companies and scholarship plan dealers. While not the only way to save for a child’s education, they are a popular option — more than 1.5 million Canadian children are beneficiaries of an RESP. You must have a social insurance number for yourself and your child in order to open a plan. Don’t have one for your child yet? You can download an application at servicecanada.gc.ca.

Financial institution RESPs

Most financial service providers offer self-directed or money-managed RESP plans. From there, you have two choices: an Individual Plan or a Family Plan. Anyone (parents, grandparents, extended family or friends) can open an individual RESP and contribute money for a child, referred to as the “beneficiary.” In a Family Plan, you can name one or more beneficiaries of the RESP, but they must be related to you. They may be your children — including adopted children — grandchildren, brothers or sisters.

Group (scholarship plan) RESPs

Scholarship plans pool the contributions of many investors. When you join a group plan, you agree to buy a set number of plan units according to a set schedule. Each unit gives you a share in the pooled earnings of the group, which are then paid out when it matures to qualifying students the same age as your child.

Get more money

As if rising tuition fees weren’t enough incentive to stash some cash, depending on your net family income, the federal government could add 40, 30 or 20 cents on the first $500 saved per child up to age 17, for every dollar you save in your child’s RESP. This grant is courtesy of the Canada Education Savings Grant (CESG), — for a lifetime maximum of $7,200. “It’s actually a pretty generous program,” says Trott. Should the RESP not be used 26 years after it’s opened, the amount you saved and the interest earned will go back to you, and the CESG may be used for another child’s education.

On the first $500 you save in your child’s RESP, the Canada Education Savings Grant will give you:

  • 40 cents per dollar, if your net family income is $37,178 or less;
  • 30 cents per dollar, between $37,178 and $74,357;
  • 20 cents per dollar, if your net family income exceeds $74,357.

No matter what your net family income is, the CESG will give you 20 cents for every dollar you save up to $2,500.

To get the CESG in two easy steps, you must:

  • Apply for a social insurance number for your child;
  • Open and deposit money in an RESP for your child.

Ask your RESP provider to apply for the CESG on behalf of your child. It will be deposited directly into her RESP.
Modest income families may also be eligible for a $500 Canada Learning Bond, plus an additional $100 per year up to age 15:

  • If your child was born after Dec. 31, 2003, and
  • You receive the National Child Benefit Supplement as part of the Canada Child Tax Benefit (commonly known as “family allowance” or “baby bonus”). This usually applies to families whose net income is $37,178 or less.

Live in Alberta? You’re already ahead. Thanks to the Alberta Centennial Education Savings Plan, any child born in the province on or after Jan. 1, 2005 receives $500 towards her RESP. These kids will also get an extra $100 at ages 8, 11 and 14, provided the parents are residents of the province and their children are enrolled in an Alberta school.

For more information regarding RESPs and the CESG, log on to the Human Resources and Social Development Canada website, hrsdc.gc.ca.

Just in case winning the lottery doesn’t pan out, senior editor Robin Stevenson has started saving diligently for her daughter’s post-secondary education.

Tips to Stash the Cash

  • Plough any cash gifts your child receives into an RESP. Ask relatives to contribute to an RESP in lieu of large holiday or birthday gifts.
  • Encourage children to allocate a portion of their allowance or any earnings (babysitting, snow shovelling) towards their education. Visit the financial institution to deposit the money together. Remind her that some goals must be saved for in advance.
  • Resolve to make cuts where you can this year; even little ones add up. Swap just one high-priced latte each day for the office brew and save $80/month. Brown-bag your lunch just twice a week and save $60/month. Combined, that’s a savings of more than $1,600 a year towards junior’s education.

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/parents/organizing/abcs-resps/

5 Tips for Keeping Your Family Road Trip Stress Free

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FANCY-00044406-001From: Canadian Family Magazine

In the past year alone, our family has driven from Toronto to Atlanta, from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, from Myrtle Beach to Milwaukee, from Milwaukee to Toronto (twice!), and from Toronto to Milwaukee. It’s safe to say that our children spend a lot of time in the car. Because of this, we have become experts in the art of surviving the family road trip. In fact, many of our friends actually come to us to ask for tips on how to make road-tripping as stress-free as possible and I always recommend the following five things:

1. Entertainment device: Make sure each child has some sort of electronic entertainment device of his or her own. Having a DVD player in the car is wonderful and can really come in handy on long road trips, but in can also become a source of fighting, arguments and frustration. Pro tip: Steal away your child’s iPod and put a surprise movie on it, or steal away the gaming device and pop in a brand-new surprise game.

2. Personal snack bags: Pre-pack a bag filled with drinks and snacks and treats. I find that kids tend to love taking ownership of their things, and they like opening up their bags seeing the things that they love to eat and don’t have to share with their siblings. Pro tip:Always overpack when it comes to food. Bring several different kinds of fruit, veggies, string cheese, granola bars, etc. The more you offer, the better your chances are of having packed something the kids will love.

3. Colouring Projects: Activity books of all kinds are an absolute necessity on road trips. Colouring books, word searches, Mad Libs and crosswords are great. But often these can end in the infamous “Mommy! I dropped my crayon/pen/marker/pencil” or “Mommy! I just drew with marker all over my car seat/legs/windows/clothing!” which is really no fun for anyone involved. This is where Crayola’s Color Wonder activities come in handy. The colours appear on the designated paper only and not on clothing, body parts or your vehicle.

4. The licence plate game. Oh, this game. It’s an oldie, but it really is a goodie. Print out a map of the US and Canada, or simply have fun trying to find/list of the states and provinces together. When you spot a licence from that place, cross it off the list. It’s a fun challenge that will keep little eyes focused on something other than a glowing screen.

5. Strategically-planned pit stops. You shouldn’t only stop for the necessary gas fill-ups or bathroom visits. Instead, plan ahead and find places to just take a break from the road. Find a park or an open field or a place to run around and stretch your legs. Sometimes changing up the scenery and getting out of the car for a little bit can renew youngsters’ energy and gear them up for some more time in the car.

What are your no-fail family travel tips?

If you’re looking for more road trip survival tips, check out our travel tips for a family road trip.

—Ali, Senior Associate Editor of CF.ca

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/activities/travel/5-tips-for-keeping-your-family-road-trip-stress-free/

The Questions That Will Save Your Relationships

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195

By: Glennon Melton

When I was a mama of three very tiny, very messy, very beautiful rug rats, we had DAYS THAT WENT ON FOR LIFETIMES. Craig left at 6:00 a.m. every morning and as I watched his showered, ironed self leave the house I felt incredibly blessed and thrilled to have so much time alone with my babies and incredibly terrified and bitter to have so much time alone with my babies. If you don’t believe that all of those feelings can exist at once — well, you’ve never been a parent to many tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats.

When Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your day?”

This question was like a spotlight pointed directly at the chasm between his experience of a “DAY” and my experience of a “DAY.” How was my day?

The question would linger in the air for a moment while I stared at Craig and the baby shoved her hand in my mouth like they do — while the oldest screamed MOMMY I NEED HELP POOING from the bathroom and the middle one cried in the corner because I NEVER EVER EVER let her drink the dishwasher detergent. NOT EVER EVEN ONCE, MOMMY!!! And I’d look down at my spaghetti-stained pajama top, unwashed hair, and gorgeous baby on my hip — and my eyes would wander around the room, pausing to notice the toys peppering the floor and the kids’ stunning new art on the fridge…

And I’d want to say:

How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated — just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. Husband — when your day is completely and totally dependent upon the moods and needs and schedules of tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats your day is ALL OF THE THINGS and NONE OF THE THINGS, sometimes within the same three minute period. But I’m not complaining. This is not a complaint, so don’t try to FIX IT. I wouldn’t have my day Any.Other.Way. I’m just saying — it’s a hell of a hard thing to explain — an entire day with lots of babies.

But I’d be too tired to say all of that. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted. But I’d be a little sad because love is about really being seen and known and I wasn’t being seen or known then. Everything was really hard to explain. It made me lonely.

So we went went to therapy, like we do.

Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really care to know them — we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: “I’m not just checking the box here. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throwaway answers, we can’t ask throwaway questions. A caring question is a key that will unlock a room inside the person you love.

So Craig and I don’t ask “How was your day?” anymore. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these:

When did you feel loved today?

When did you feel lonely?

What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?

What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?

What can I do to help you right now?

I know. WEEEEEIRRD at first. But not after a while. Not any weirder than asking the same damn empty questions you’ve always asked that elicit the same damn empty answers you’ve always gotten.

And so now when our kids get home from school, we don’t say: “How was your day?” Because they don’t know. Their day was lots of things.

Instead we ask:

How did you feel during your spelling test?

What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess?

Did you feel lonely at all today?

Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?

And I never ask my friends: “How are you?” Because they don’t know either.

Instead I ask:

How is your mom’s chemo going?

How’d that conference with Ben’s teacher turn out?

What’s going really well with work right now?

Questions are like gifts — it’s the thought behind them that the receiver really FEELS. We have to know the receiver to give the right gift and to ask the right question. Generic gifts and questions are all right, but personal gifts and questions feel better. Love is specific, I think. It’s an art. The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more beautiful the answers become.

Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.

Sourced from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html

Coping Financially During Long Term Illness

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money-illness-225x300By: Adam Buller

Illness is something which can occur unexpectedly and out of the blue. Sometimes though the effects of an illness can stay with you for a long time affecting many aspects of your daily life. It can be extremely frustrating not being able to do what you once could but it can be even more frustrating when the illness begins to hit your finances, especially if you have a family you are trying to provide for. Hopefully you will have some savings put away in an emergency fund but these will likely soon become exhausted if your illness really does prove to be long term. So what else can you do to cope financially during a long term illness?

Admit your problem and put pride to one side-
One of the hardest things for many of those who are suffering is actually admitting that they can’t do what they once did. We all like to stay financially independent for as long as possible in the hope that we will be able to recover from our illness and get on with life as normal again. This pride can often cause your financial situation to become even more dire as the unpaid bills start to stack up and charges start being added. So the first step is to recognise and admit that you may need to make some changes or seek some short or long term financial assistance before your finances spiral out of control. So what changes can be made and what assistance can you seek? Let’s consider a few things that can be done.

Check your existing policies-
If you currently have any insurance policies in place related to life or income then it can be a good idea to get out the document box and sift through the details of all policies to see if there are any unexpected benefits in that policy that may be relevant to your situation. If your illness is particularly serious for example then you may find that your life insurance policy has a critical illness element to it which will pay out on diagnosis. You may find that you still have some sort of income protection policy in place that you set up years ago but never got around to cancelling. We’re looking for the expected and the unexpected here so even if you don’t think that any of your policies contain these benefits it is still worth an hour of your time finding out on the off chance that they do.

Another thing that you should check is whether you have any insurance policies on your mortgage, loans or finance deals. If you do then there is a good chance that you may be covered for medium term illness and you may be able to make a claim to help pay these commitments in part or in full whilst you recover from your illness.

Are you eligible for benefits?
If you have found that your income has significantly decreased due to your illness then you might now be eligible for benefits such as increased tax credits or even housing benefit. Pride can again play a part here as most of us don’t like to admit that we can’t support our loved ones on our own steam anymore. The problem with pride is that it won’t change the situation you are in. These benefits can also take a long time to sort out and you often cannot backdate them without a valid reason. So if your financial situation has changed because of your illness then it’s wise to find out what you are eligible for and make any claim as soon as possible. You can always cancel a claim later on if your health improves but it’s better to plan for the worst case scenario and claim what you are entitled to early on.

Can you work from home?
If your employer offers the option of working from home while you get over your illness then perhaps this could be something you could cope with? If this option isn’t available then maybe you could use your skills to top up your income with an online business or by freelancing as and when you feel able. It’s obviously wise to check whether any work you are doing would negatively affect your sick pay or benefits but if you are able to add a few extra pounds to your weekly budget then this could really help during this tough time in your life.

Making lifestyle changes
The timing of this decision can also be tough, when to make those lifestyle changes? If you expect your illness to end quite soon then it can be tempting to delay making changes to how you live. The problem here is that life doesn’t always go as you expect it to. The wise thing to do would be to make cutbacks and start saving money right away just in case your illness lasts for a lot longer than you were expecting. These changes could include slashing your food budget, reducing cable packages; mobile phone tariffs etc., anything that can be changed without incurring a penalty. Perhaps you could even cancel some contracts.

Again it can be difficult to admit that you can’t now afford the things you once could but if this is the case then it is best to deal with the problem yourself before someone else – the debt collectors – deal with it for you. Creating a workable budget, even if it is just for a temporary time, can reduce the stress in the long run which could then help drastically with your ability to overcome your illness.

It can happen to anyone-
As we’ve discussed, one of the biggest things that can prevent us from improving or protecting our financial position during illness can be our own pride. You may be reluctant to make lifestyle changes, claim benefits or seek advice. What is it they say though, ‘pride comes before a fall’? If you’re feeling down on yourself then just remember that you are not alone in what you are facing. There are many people out there dealing with long term illness or even critical illness. It truly can happen to anyone so you should not be afraid to make changes and seek advice, it could mean the difference between keeping your finances afloat during this hard time of life, or not.

Sourced from: http://moneybulldog.co.uk/coping-financially-during-long-term-illness/