Category Archives: Family Life

Have a Kid- Free Vacation (And Leave the Guilt at Home)

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The case for why every couple should take a trip or vacation without their kids.

By: Vivian Vassos

99We love being with our kids. We really do. So much so that every vacation over the past seven years has been with them. We’ve ridden elephants in Thailand, snorkelled in the Cayman Islands and snacked on souvlaki in Greece with our kids, plus yearly jaunts to Florida — and not just to see Mickey Mouse.

Of course, we also take “date nights,” facilitated by my parents, whom I call the Blessed Support Unit (or BSU); grandparents who are eager and able to help out.

It’s usually a once-a-month Saturday night sleepover at the BSU’s for the kids, and dinner and a movie and some take-the-phone-off-the-hook intimacy for us. But a real change of scenery for more than one night, just the two of us? We hadn’t done that since our 10th, yes, 10th wedding anniversary, and now our 17th was looming. Something was definitely missing.

“On a scale of one to 10, getting away for couple time is a 15-plus in importance,” says Marion Goertz, a registered marriage and family therapist in Toronto. “We all have so many roles to play, professionally and personally, that the spontaneous, playful parts of us can get lost and tired.”

“A regular date night is critical for any marriage, but getting away for longer periods is a unique and individual issue without an exact answer,” adds Elizabeth Pantley, parenting expert and the author of eight books, including the award-winning The No-Cry Discipline Solution (McGraw-Hill).

When I caught up with the mother of four, she was fresh off a cruise with her hubby of 25 years, while their kids were safe and sound under grandma’s care. “Couples who find time to connect every day and with a regular date night may get on perfectly fine without a longer trip away. Others find themselves so surrounded by work, children and household tasks that they never seem to feel like a couple any more. Those people would definitely benefit from a short trip alone once or twice a year.” In her book, Kid Cooperation (New Harbinger), Pantley reinforces this. “It can be very difficult for your marriage to thrive if you spend all your time being “Mommy’ and “Daddy.’ You need to spend regular time as “Husband’ and “Wife.”

Okay, so it’s either another date night or try to get away for a longer time. What about the caregiver logistics? Even our BSU has its limitations, and I have quite a few friends who don’t even have that. “Even an overnight away can refresh and rejuvenate your relationship,” says Pantley. “This is often do-able if you are close with another couple who have children. Trading off and tending to each other’s children can be fun for the kids and good for the adults.”

Goertz takes it a step further. “Getting away is like getting a lungful of oxygen at the surface of a teeming river that is our life as parents — sucking up some life-giving respite before we resume the everyday busy-ness of our lives,” she says. “A self-imposed “time out’ can ensure good behaviour in adults. It can keep us going with more energy and creativity and keep us connected with the bigger world in order to refresh our perspectives.” Wow, perhaps that’s what was missing.

We knew that a week during the school year was out of the question, so we needed somewhere we could recharge and feel like we’d been away long enough, but not so long as to completely abuse the BSU? Hubby loves his monthly Texas Hold’em boys’ night out, while I’m a shopaholic, and we both appreciate fine cuisine. Put it together, and we came up with Las Vegas. Four days over a weekend, so the BSU didn’t have to worry too much about school and homework. Perfect.

The next step was telling the kids. “We’re going to Las Vegas,” I announced over dinner one night. My 10-year-old immediately went to pack her bag. “But only Mom and Dad are going,” I explained, feeling guilty already, and trying to figure out what to say next. “Parents can often overcompensate for what they feel guilty about,” says Pantley. “Know in your heart that taking care of your marriage is the most important thing you can do for your children and yourselves. A very simple answer is all that’s needed: “We love you very much and we have fun with you, but sometimes moms and dads like to have a little time alone together.”

When I retold the scenario for Goertz, she laughed. “Do your kids a favour. Love your spouse and let them see it! Talk about mom and dad having special time together and make it happen regularly. This can, in fact, help kids feel safe and warm, even if they giggle or roll their eyes.” Even teenagers, despite their reactions, she adds, take delight in their parents’ overt shows of affection and will more likely choose a relationship like it for themselves when it’s their turn.

New parents, this one’s for you: Goertz recommends beginning at an early age to establish increasing periods of time of separation with qualified caregivers. “Teach them, by your own attitudes and from an early age, to be open to adventure and new experiences,” she says.

“If you find a familiar, loving caregiver to tend your children, they should be fine,” says Pantley. “If you want to add more fun to their “vacation,’ allow them to order pizza, rent a movie or have a candy or treat that is reserved for special times.” For longer trips, she suggests leaving a small gift (such as stickers or plastic toy animals) for each night that you will be away. “This can make bedtime fun instead of the most difficult hour for the child and caregiver.”

Spend some time with the child in the caregiver’s presence, prior to your time away, suggests Goertz, to assess their suitability and to allow you and your child to be soothed by your trust in this person. “And relax and don’t unduly disrupt routines to soothe your own separation anxiety.” Then just go. “There’s a delightful, refreshing silliness that can set in when two responsible adults can eat, sleep, drink and frolic as the spirit moves them,” she notes.

Well, Goertz was right. We were free to do our favourite things and spend some wonderful private moments together, without the day-to-day stress of being parents, and the kids were spoiled rotten by the BSU. Heck, we even considered renewing our vows in the land of cheesy wedding chapels, never mind booking another trip for next year. Viva Las Vegas.

Toronto-based writer/editor Vivian Vassos is planning her next getaway to Vegas—this time with kids. She has already booked a date night with hubby at the MGM Grand, as her brother (BSU#2) now conveniently lives in Sin City.

Long weekend getaways

  • For high rollers: Las Vegas is a quick flight from Vancouver or Calgary, and everything’s within walking distance on the strip, so no worries about indulging in that extra glass of champagne. visitlasvegas.com
  • For cosmopolitan types: Quebec City, Canada’s most romantic spot, is celebrating its 400th anniversary. quebecregion.com. Book into Auberge Saint-Antoine, Travel + Leisure’s pick of one of 2007′s Top 100 Hotels Worldwide. saint-antoine.com
  • For oenophiles: Niagara-on-the-Lake is within driving distance of Toronto, full of historical charm and hotels at all price ranges, and near many of Canada’s top wineries. niagaraonthelake.com
  • For the fly-and-fry types: The Bahamas are easy to get to from central and eastern Canada, and are the Caribbean’s answer for some fun in the sun.bahamas.com
  • For big-city types: New York, is a good place to see and do a lot in a short amount of time, and you can walk, in good weather, just about anywhere. nycvisit.com

Can’t get away?

Here are Marion Goertz’s tips for making the most of a moment

  • It’s not the quantity, it’s the quality Parents with minimal childcare support can perhaps swap babysitting with trusted friends or neighbours to free them up for dinner and a movie.
  • No babysitter? Be creative and find a pocket of peace to meet for breakfast or lunch when the kids are at school, or a few hours at home with a rental, a favourite snack and an adult-type beverage once the kids are in bed.
  • Get kids to bed at a realistic time 10 p.m. is too late for preschool kids and unfair to mom and dad. They are creatures of habit: a bath, a story and lights out! Only then can mom and dad suspend their parenting roles, at least temporarily, as they catch up with each other’s lives and talk about hopes and dreams for now and the future.
  • Enjoy each other Start to work on the life you want to have together after the kids leave home, time to have many more adventures. The chances of it being a good time, and the marriage even lasting that long, increases exponentially the more you stay connected and invested in each other’s lives through the parenting years.

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/parents/relationships/escape-artists/

5 Tips for Keeping Your Family Road Trip Stress Free

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FANCY-00044406-001From: Canadian Family Magazine

In the past year alone, our family has driven from Toronto to Atlanta, from Atlanta to Myrtle Beach, from Myrtle Beach to Milwaukee, from Milwaukee to Toronto (twice!), and from Toronto to Milwaukee. It’s safe to say that our children spend a lot of time in the car. Because of this, we have become experts in the art of surviving the family road trip. In fact, many of our friends actually come to us to ask for tips on how to make road-tripping as stress-free as possible and I always recommend the following five things:

1. Entertainment device: Make sure each child has some sort of electronic entertainment device of his or her own. Having a DVD player in the car is wonderful and can really come in handy on long road trips, but in can also become a source of fighting, arguments and frustration. Pro tip: Steal away your child’s iPod and put a surprise movie on it, or steal away the gaming device and pop in a brand-new surprise game.

2. Personal snack bags: Pre-pack a bag filled with drinks and snacks and treats. I find that kids tend to love taking ownership of their things, and they like opening up their bags seeing the things that they love to eat and don’t have to share with their siblings. Pro tip:Always overpack when it comes to food. Bring several different kinds of fruit, veggies, string cheese, granola bars, etc. The more you offer, the better your chances are of having packed something the kids will love.

3. Colouring Projects: Activity books of all kinds are an absolute necessity on road trips. Colouring books, word searches, Mad Libs and crosswords are great. But often these can end in the infamous “Mommy! I dropped my crayon/pen/marker/pencil” or “Mommy! I just drew with marker all over my car seat/legs/windows/clothing!” which is really no fun for anyone involved. This is where Crayola’s Color Wonder activities come in handy. The colours appear on the designated paper only and not on clothing, body parts or your vehicle.

4. The licence plate game. Oh, this game. It’s an oldie, but it really is a goodie. Print out a map of the US and Canada, or simply have fun trying to find/list of the states and provinces together. When you spot a licence from that place, cross it off the list. It’s a fun challenge that will keep little eyes focused on something other than a glowing screen.

5. Strategically-planned pit stops. You shouldn’t only stop for the necessary gas fill-ups or bathroom visits. Instead, plan ahead and find places to just take a break from the road. Find a park or an open field or a place to run around and stretch your legs. Sometimes changing up the scenery and getting out of the car for a little bit can renew youngsters’ energy and gear them up for some more time in the car.

What are your no-fail family travel tips?

If you’re looking for more road trip survival tips, check out our travel tips for a family road trip.

—Ali, Senior Associate Editor of CF.ca

Sourced from: http://www.canadianfamily.ca/activities/travel/5-tips-for-keeping-your-family-road-trip-stress-free/

The Questions That Will Save Your Relationships

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195

By: Glennon Melton

When I was a mama of three very tiny, very messy, very beautiful rug rats, we had DAYS THAT WENT ON FOR LIFETIMES. Craig left at 6:00 a.m. every morning and as I watched his showered, ironed self leave the house I felt incredibly blessed and thrilled to have so much time alone with my babies and incredibly terrified and bitter to have so much time alone with my babies. If you don’t believe that all of those feelings can exist at once — well, you’ve never been a parent to many tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats.

When Craig returned each day at 6:00 p.m. (he actually returned at 5:50 but took a STUNNINGLY LONG TIME TO GET THE MAIL) he’d walk through the door, smile and say — “So! How was your day?”

This question was like a spotlight pointed directly at the chasm between his experience of a “DAY” and my experience of a “DAY.” How was my day?

The question would linger in the air for a moment while I stared at Craig and the baby shoved her hand in my mouth like they do — while the oldest screamed MOMMY I NEED HELP POOING from the bathroom and the middle one cried in the corner because I NEVER EVER EVER let her drink the dishwasher detergent. NOT EVER EVEN ONCE, MOMMY!!! And I’d look down at my spaghetti-stained pajama top, unwashed hair, and gorgeous baby on my hip — and my eyes would wander around the room, pausing to notice the toys peppering the floor and the kids’ stunning new art on the fridge…

And I’d want to say:

How was my day? Today has been a lifetime. It was the best of times and the worst of times. There were moments when my heart was so full I thought I might explode, and there were other moments when my senses were under such intense assault that I was CERTAIN I’d explode. I was both lonely and absolutely desperate to be alone. I was saturated — just BOMBARDED with touch and then the second I put down this baby I yearned to smell her sweet skin again. I was simultaneously bored out of my skull and completely overwhelmed with so much to do. Today was too much and not enough. It was loud and silent. It was brutal and beautiful. I was at my very best today and then, just a moment later, at my very worst. At 3:30 today I decided that we should adopt four more children, and then at 3:35 I decided that we should give up the kids we already have for adoption. Husband — when your day is completely and totally dependent upon the moods and needs and schedules of tiny, messy, beautiful rug rats your day is ALL OF THE THINGS and NONE OF THE THINGS, sometimes within the same three minute period. But I’m not complaining. This is not a complaint, so don’t try to FIX IT. I wouldn’t have my day Any.Other.Way. I’m just saying — it’s a hell of a hard thing to explain — an entire day with lots of babies.

But I’d be too tired to say all of that. So I’d just cry, or yell, or smile and say “fine,” and then hand the baby over and run to Target to wander aisles aimlessly, because that’s all I ever really wanted. But I’d be a little sad because love is about really being seen and known and I wasn’t being seen or known then. Everything was really hard to explain. It made me lonely.

So we went went to therapy, like we do.

Through therapy, we learned to ask each other better questions. We learned that if we really want to know our people, if we really care to know them — we need to ask them better questions and then really listen to their answers. We need to ask questions that carry along with them this message: “I’m not just checking the box here. I really care what you have to say and how you feel. I really want to know you.” If we don’t want throwaway answers, we can’t ask throwaway questions. A caring question is a key that will unlock a room inside the person you love.

So Craig and I don’t ask “How was your day?” anymore. After a few years of practicing increasingly intimate question asking, now we find ourselves asking each other questions like these:

When did you feel loved today?

When did you feel lonely?

What did I do today that made you feel appreciated?

What did I say that made you feel unnoticed?

What can I do to help you right now?

I know. WEEEEEIRRD at first. But not after a while. Not any weirder than asking the same damn empty questions you’ve always asked that elicit the same damn empty answers you’ve always gotten.

And so now when our kids get home from school, we don’t say: “How was your day?” Because they don’t know. Their day was lots of things.

Instead we ask:

How did you feel during your spelling test?

What did you say to the new girl when you all went out to recess?

Did you feel lonely at all today?

Were there any times you felt proud of yourself today?

And I never ask my friends: “How are you?” Because they don’t know either.

Instead I ask:

How is your mom’s chemo going?

How’d that conference with Ben’s teacher turn out?

What’s going really well with work right now?

Questions are like gifts — it’s the thought behind them that the receiver really FEELS. We have to know the receiver to give the right gift and to ask the right question. Generic gifts and questions are all right, but personal gifts and questions feel better. Love is specific, I think. It’s an art. The more attention and time you give to your questions, the more beautiful the answers become.

Life is a conversation. Make it a good one.

Sourced from: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/glennon-melton/the-questions-that-will-save-your-relationships_b_4618254.html

Coping Financially During Long Term Illness

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money-illness-225x300By: Adam Buller

Illness is something which can occur unexpectedly and out of the blue. Sometimes though the effects of an illness can stay with you for a long time affecting many aspects of your daily life. It can be extremely frustrating not being able to do what you once could but it can be even more frustrating when the illness begins to hit your finances, especially if you have a family you are trying to provide for. Hopefully you will have some savings put away in an emergency fund but these will likely soon become exhausted if your illness really does prove to be long term. So what else can you do to cope financially during a long term illness?

Admit your problem and put pride to one side-
One of the hardest things for many of those who are suffering is actually admitting that they can’t do what they once did. We all like to stay financially independent for as long as possible in the hope that we will be able to recover from our illness and get on with life as normal again. This pride can often cause your financial situation to become even more dire as the unpaid bills start to stack up and charges start being added. So the first step is to recognise and admit that you may need to make some changes or seek some short or long term financial assistance before your finances spiral out of control. So what changes can be made and what assistance can you seek? Let’s consider a few things that can be done.

Check your existing policies-
If you currently have any insurance policies in place related to life or income then it can be a good idea to get out the document box and sift through the details of all policies to see if there are any unexpected benefits in that policy that may be relevant to your situation. If your illness is particularly serious for example then you may find that your life insurance policy has a critical illness element to it which will pay out on diagnosis. You may find that you still have some sort of income protection policy in place that you set up years ago but never got around to cancelling. We’re looking for the expected and the unexpected here so even if you don’t think that any of your policies contain these benefits it is still worth an hour of your time finding out on the off chance that they do.

Another thing that you should check is whether you have any insurance policies on your mortgage, loans or finance deals. If you do then there is a good chance that you may be covered for medium term illness and you may be able to make a claim to help pay these commitments in part or in full whilst you recover from your illness.

Are you eligible for benefits?
If you have found that your income has significantly decreased due to your illness then you might now be eligible for benefits such as increased tax credits or even housing benefit. Pride can again play a part here as most of us don’t like to admit that we can’t support our loved ones on our own steam anymore. The problem with pride is that it won’t change the situation you are in. These benefits can also take a long time to sort out and you often cannot backdate them without a valid reason. So if your financial situation has changed because of your illness then it’s wise to find out what you are eligible for and make any claim as soon as possible. You can always cancel a claim later on if your health improves but it’s better to plan for the worst case scenario and claim what you are entitled to early on.

Can you work from home?
If your employer offers the option of working from home while you get over your illness then perhaps this could be something you could cope with? If this option isn’t available then maybe you could use your skills to top up your income with an online business or by freelancing as and when you feel able. It’s obviously wise to check whether any work you are doing would negatively affect your sick pay or benefits but if you are able to add a few extra pounds to your weekly budget then this could really help during this tough time in your life.

Making lifestyle changes
The timing of this decision can also be tough, when to make those lifestyle changes? If you expect your illness to end quite soon then it can be tempting to delay making changes to how you live. The problem here is that life doesn’t always go as you expect it to. The wise thing to do would be to make cutbacks and start saving money right away just in case your illness lasts for a lot longer than you were expecting. These changes could include slashing your food budget, reducing cable packages; mobile phone tariffs etc., anything that can be changed without incurring a penalty. Perhaps you could even cancel some contracts.

Again it can be difficult to admit that you can’t now afford the things you once could but if this is the case then it is best to deal with the problem yourself before someone else – the debt collectors – deal with it for you. Creating a workable budget, even if it is just for a temporary time, can reduce the stress in the long run which could then help drastically with your ability to overcome your illness.

It can happen to anyone-
As we’ve discussed, one of the biggest things that can prevent us from improving or protecting our financial position during illness can be our own pride. You may be reluctant to make lifestyle changes, claim benefits or seek advice. What is it they say though, ‘pride comes before a fall’? If you’re feeling down on yourself then just remember that you are not alone in what you are facing. There are many people out there dealing with long term illness or even critical illness. It truly can happen to anyone so you should not be afraid to make changes and seek advice, it could mean the difference between keeping your finances afloat during this hard time of life, or not.

Sourced from: http://moneybulldog.co.uk/coping-financially-during-long-term-illness/

What Does Family Violence Look Like?

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With Family Violence Prevention Week quickly approaching (February 9-15), it is everyone’s responsibility to be educated, raise awareness, and reduce stigma surrounding family violence.

What is family violence?

The Canadian Justice Department defines it as, “Any form of abuse, mistreatment or neglect that a child or adult experiences from a family member, or from someone with whom they have an intimate relationship.” More specifically, family violence can be broken into 5 forms:

Physical

Inflicting or attempting to inflict physical injury. Example: grabbing, pinching, shoving, slapping, hitting, biting, arm-twisting, kicking, punching, hitting with blunt objects, stabbing, shooting

Withholding access to resources necessary to maintain health. Example: medication, medical care, wheelchair, food or fluids, sleep, hygienic assistance. Forcing alcohol or other drug use.

Sexual

Coercing or attempting to coerce any sexual contact without consent. Example: marital rape, acquaintance rape, forced sex after physical beating, attacks on the sexual parts of the body, forced prostitution, fondling, sodomy, sex with others

Attempting to undermine the victim’ sexuality. Example: treating him/her in a sexually derogatory manner, criticizing sexual performance and desirability, accusations of infidelity, withholding sex

Psychological

Instilling or attempting to instill fear. Example: intimidation, threatening physical harm to self, victim, and/or others, threatening to harm and/or kidnap children, menacing, blackmail, harassment, destruction of pets and property, mind games, stalking, isolating or attempting to isolate victim from friends, family, school, and/or work. Example: withholding access to phone and/or transportation, undermining victim’s personal relationships, harassing others, constant “checking up,” constant accompaniment, use of unfounded accusations, forced imprisonment

Emotional

Undermining or attempting to undermine victim sense of worth. 
Example: constant criticism, belittling victim’s abilities and competency, name-calling, insults, put-downs, silent treatment, manipulating victim’s feelings and emotions to induce guilt, subverting a partner’s relationship with the children, repeatedly making and breaking promises

Economic

Making or attempting to make the victim financially dependent. 
Example: maintaining total control over financial resources including victim’s earned income or resources received through public assistance or social security, withholding money and/or access to money, forbidding attendance at school, forbidding employment, on-the-job harassment, requiring accountability and justification for all money spent, forced welfare fraud, withholding information about family running up bills for which the victim is responsible for payment.

Source: New York State Office for the Prevention of Domestic Violence

How to Handle the Empty Nest Syndrome

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173By Courtney Hope

Are you an empty nester? See how other Canadian parents deal with change once the kids leave home.

If you have children it is inevitable that, at some point, they’re going to leave home — whether to go to school, travel, get married or start families of their own. While all parents know this, it can still be a hard reality to face. After raising children and having them close at hand for 18 (or more) years, seeing them take off on their own can be tough. But just what kind of adjustment can you expect when you’re left with an empty nest?

To learn more about what it’s really like once the kids are gone, we turned to the world of social media to ask some of our readers about their experiences of dealing with their empty nests.

1. It feels like an ending
While living independently is a new beginning for the child, it can feel like an ending for many parents. “It seems to me that it is much like finishing a really good book,” says Kathy from Calgary, Alta., who experienced a great deal of sadness in the weeks following her oldest daughter’s marriage.

When a child leaves home, it isn’t just the end of a chapter in your life, but also the beginning of another. Use this time to enjoy your time with your spouse, and get excited for what the future holds for your children. “You are a little disappointed that the book is finished, but really happy that you got to enjoy it and really looking forward to the sequel.”

2. The house will be quieter than you think
One of the most common complaints from empty nesters is how hard it is to lay awake at night and hear every little creak your house makes. “The fridge is always full. There are no wet towels on the floor, no doors slamming, no phones ringing, no late-night chats, no random hugs,” says Sandi, a mother of three from Montreal. “There is just too much quiet.” Remember, though, initiating something like a monthly or even weekly family dinner is a great way to bring a little life back into your home and keep your family bond strong.

3. Filling the void can be hard
Parents love to joke about how great it is to have their children and grandchildren come home, spoil them for a bit and then send them back on their way. But often the feelings of emptiness can return each time you have to send your offspring away.

“I think one of the biggies for me is finding out just how tough it can be to fill the emptiness of that nest,” says Mike, a father of three from Brampton, Ont., adding “not physically, mind you, but emotionally.” Prepare yourself by truly enjoying your time with your children when they are around, then talking through the emotions you experience with your spouse once they leave.

4. It takes time to adjust 
It can be hard learning to live without your children being home anymore. Not only will you have to adjust to an empty house, you will have to get to know your spouse all over again, as a partner, not just a co-parent. “When it becomes just the two of you again, you feel a little guilty and a little sad,” says Sandi. “Guilty because you know you can do whatever you want whenever, but sad because you have spent so many years getting them ready to go and never really realized how fast that day would come.”

Don’t expect everything to change in an instant. Accept that it will take time to make these adjustments, and learn to laugh at the experience of re-learning things with your partner.

5. It’s OK to want them back

You can be happy for your children, but at the same time wish that you could keep them with you. “If I could, I would buy a huge house in the country with three floors,” says Karen, a mother of two grown children in Collingwood, Ont. “Each of us would have our own place, our own space and yet still be together.” It’s OK to want your children to return home once they’ve left. Some do, once they finish schooling or travelling, or when they decide to have children of their own. But if they don’t, it just means you have to put in more of an effort to reach out and remain close.
Whether they’ve flown the nest or will soon, losing your children to the next stages of their lives can be a difficult and emotional process. Use this time not only to reconnect with your spouse, but to take pride in your children’s successes and to get to know them in a whole new way.

By Courtney Hope

Sourced from: http://www.canadianliving.com/relationships

7 Ways of Dealing with your Child’s “Back to School Jitters”

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116Restless nights. Loss of appetite. Tummy aches. People say those are some of the signs your child may be feeling anxious about going back to school. But don’t worry, this is quite normal. Anxious feelings are expected during times of transition or change. This is especially true for children and teens going back to school, or for first-timers starting kindergarten. Prior to the first day of school, your child may cling, cry, have temper tantrums, complain, and become irritable. Here are some ways to get your child ready for going back to school.

1. Talk to your kids about what’s bothering them; be mindful that young children may have difficulty expressing their fears. Older kids may be uncomfortable opening up. Try approaching the subject in an informal setting, such as while you’re out for a walk or out for dinner, so they don’t feel like they’re being put on the spot.

2. Get children back on their regular sleep routine; this should be done weeks before school starts. Sleep in the key to relieving anxiety. Preschoolers need 11 to 13 hours a night; elementary school kids need 10 to 11 hours; preteens and teens should get 8 to 9 hours.

3. Make a list of your child’s fears and find strategies for helping them cope with them and to overcome them.

4. Get your child excited about school by letting them select items such as a new school bag, lunch box, and other supplies.

5. Remind your kids that the school year isn’t just about academics, but also social and sport activities; talk to them about the clubs and sports they would like to get involved in to make there school year better.

6. Explain that new situations can be stressful and scary but that they do get better with familiarity.

7. The night before school, have children prepare their outfit, school bag and lunch rather than in the morning so it is less of a rush.

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Surviving Loss During the Festive Season

Living through loss is something that everyone will experience throughout life. For some people, coping with loss is a difficult and painful experience. There is no right or wrong way to grieve; each individual is a unique being who copes with loss in their own way. How you grieve depends on many factors, including your personality, your life experiences, and your coping style (www.helpguide.org). However, for many people, dealing with loss during the festive season can be extremely challenging. As family and friends draw near, people can be left feeling down and grim, reflecting on what they have lost in their life during the past year.

 

Generally, when thinking of loss, the death of a loved one comes to mind. This is the more obvious type of loss, but not the only kind. As the festive season approaches, many people will be grieving the loss of their marriage, their job, health, pet, cherished dream, or their child who left for college. Although each loss will have its own intensity, often one loss (the loss of a pet) can stir up memories of other loses (death of a mother).

 

In many households the festive season is a time for giving, spending time with family and friends, and celebrating the past year. These activities can generate common symptoms of grief including, sadness, guilt, anger and fear, as the traditions have changed due to your loss, and the celebration is no longer the same. Perhaps the family member who always cooked the turkey is no longer living, you have lost your job and you can not afford the large gifts like last year, or it is the first year all the children have not been able to make it home. Unfortunately for most, despite feeling down and blue, skipping Christmas is not an option and “the show must go on”.

 

Dr. Nancy Molitor (www.yourmindyourbody.org), encourages speaking openly and honestly with friends and family about the experienced loss. This will allow the group to brainstorm ways to overcome the loss and create new traditions by scaling back, or transforming. If you have been laid off, look at starting new low cost family traditions, such as attending the local parade or tobogganing. Should the cost of gifts be a concern, explore the option of having a gift exchange, or limiting the dollar value. A fun family night of board games or Christmas caroling can often be enjoyed by many.

 

Having a close family member or friend absent from the celebrations for the first time can always be trying. Should a loved one not be physically present, Dr. Molitor suggests using alternative methods to communicate. This may include Skype, or making a holiday video and posting it on Youtube. Ensuring communication will help to bridge the distance gap and alleviate feelings of loneliness associated with loss. Additionally, there is always the option of inviting new people in to your life, which can be done by volunteering, or joining new groups.

 

The festive season can bring great joy. For some, it may take more effort and planning, but with open communication and innovation it is sure to be a success.

 

Image courtesy of ImageryMajestic/FreeDigitalPhotos.net

 

 

Simplicity is Better

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It’s important not to overstress the procedures you create. If you do, you may miss out on a vital part of your day: family life. 

Summer is ending, which means any cycle that you had paused for vacation is waiting to be resumed. At this point, most families require individual relaxation or feel pressured to squeeze in an excessive amount of summer memories. It’s important to balance alone time with family time, but more often than not, simplicity is better. 

Eating together, for example, is one of the best family bonding activities you can encourage in your household and it doesn’t require days of preemptive planning. It may be difficult to gather everyone around the same table, but doing so at least three times a week for one meal has many proven benefits. Adolescents who participate in family meals are reportedly more likely to excel academically and make healthy choices than those who don’t, but the advantages of shared meals don’t just apply to kids. No matter what age groups are present, mealtimes are places to communicate openly and connect with loved ones. Remember, you don’t need to worry about making an extravagant meal; the only goal is to get everyone together.

Sharing quality family time is a vital component of a good family life, but the definition of quality family time differs from household to household. As with routine, family activities must be tailored to fit the needs of everyone involved. It’s great to take a few minutes out of your schedule to focus on family relationships, but in order to please everyone, you may need to take turns deciding how you will spend that time. 

Again, extravagance isn’t necessary when it comes to bonding with your loved ones. There are a variety of simple pastimes you can enjoy together such as playing board games, going on nature walks, driving along a scenic route, watching a particular television show, or just sitting back and relaxing outdoors.